Passing Judgment on McCain’s Judgment

Well, John McCain certainly surprised us all on Friday morning when he announced that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin would be his running mate.  Other unexpected choices with about as much experience: Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Geena Davis, and Kermit the Frog.  Oh yes, it was a “maverick move” in the same way that going for first down on 4th and 30 in football is a “maverick move”.  I have yet to hear anyone describe this choice as “brilliant” or “wise”.  I’ve heard “desperate”, “shocking”, and “idiotic”, but while this choice may have won McCain the news cycle, it may wreck the remainder of his campaign.

Next week is the Republican National Convention and instead of having the news focus on the speakers and the Republican platform and trying to dismiss the already conventional wisdom that the Republicans are going to lose big in November as far as congress is concerned (and that isn’t me being a liberal cheerleader; that sentiment is from Republican insiders), the media will be trying to answer “Who is Sarah Palin and why should she be Vice President?”  The DNC had it organized: heal the party rift by the time Joe Biden got up to speak and then let Obama bring it home.

It wasn’t even that McCain picked someone only slightly more experienced than your server at Denny’s; it’s that the media had no time to prep.  There’s been the comparison of Palin to Virginia governor Tim Kaine, who was on Obama’s short-list for VP, since they’re both first-time governors.  Aside from the fact that Obama didn’t pick Kaine, here are some notable differences:

  • Virginia has a population of almost eight million while Alaska has less than 700,000
  • Kaine’s name had long been circulating on the short-list so the media had time to research him and get his credentials
  • Virginia has thirteen electoral votes and has the possibility of going blue in November; Alaska has three votes and has only gone blue once since it’s been a state
  • Kaine had been a co-chair on Obama’s election committee since February 2007; McCain spoke to Palin twice before selecting her as his running mate

And let’s be frank: McCain is old.  The guy turned 72 on Friday and if the male life expectancy for a person living in the United States is 75.2 years old, then should McCain survive his first term, he’ll be living on borrowed time.  That’s cruel and understand that I don’t wish the man ill.  As much as I disgree with his policies, I wouldn’t wish death on him, especially now that Sarah Palin would be his vice president and seems about as ready for the job as Michael Phelps (note: if McCain had put Michael Phelps on the ticket, he’d win every state; America loves that guy).

Yes, it would be neat if we had a female president.  If we don’t have have a female president within the next twenty years, I’d be shocked.  But the “wow” factor is going to wear off real fast when you realize that it doesn’t matter if the President is a man, woman, or transsexual: if they don’t know what they’re doing, that’s bad news for the country.  One month ago, Palin didn’t even know what the VP did and to be fair, one month ago, she probably didn’t think she’d ever have to know.

Did John McCain forget that while he has to win an election, he also has to govern?  That a choice of a running-mate is more than just picking up votes but a serious choice for who you want first in the order of succession?  In a campaign marked by a desire to do anything to win, this is “The Maverick’s” most asinine decision yet.  Sure, Palin’s got cred as a woman who’s a social conservative, but so do Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin (note: if McCain picked Michelle Malkin, it would be the funniest thing ever because it would mean that Oberlin College, one of the most liberal colleges in the nation, produced the running mate for the Republican ticket).

The choice of a running mate varies from ticket to ticket.  What Obama needed was not the same as what McCain needed.  And McCain didn’t have a great field to choose from just as Republicans didn’t have an ideal choice for their Presidential candidate.  Pawlenty was a safe choice but one that wouldn’t gather a lot of excitement.  Romeny could have provided economic support and vigor but he’s a Mormon so he’s out.  McCain agreed with Lieberman 100% on foreign policy but they would always disagree on social issues.  Tom Ridge would have been a safe choice but he believes that women should control their utereuses so he’s out.  The decision not to select Tom Ridge strikes me as particularly humorous because it means that the narrow issue of Roe v. Wade, which is such a hot-button topic yet miniscule in its significance when compared to larger issues of national security and the economy, could mean that the right wing’s lunatic fringe has set up the party for failure.  The selection of Sarah Palin certainly doesn’t set them up for success.

Special Comment: “Senator, Grow Up!”

Movie Review: Tropic Thunder

Get Some.

Tropic Thunder (8.1 out of 10)

Maybe Cain Was On To Something

Everyone knows the story of Cain and Abel: Adam and Eve do a less-than-stellar parenting job (granted, their only parental figure kicked them out of paradise for eating fruit) and one their sons ends up killing the other out of jealousy.  The lesson: love your brother.  However, I take away a different moral from this story: brotherhood is about balance.  If Abel hadn’t gone and tried to impress God, Cain wouldn’t have had to unleash some fratricide.

Balance is important between brothers and I have done my best to maintain it with mine.  I’m really into movies and he’s really into sports.  We’re both really into American History and give disturbingly similar (sometimes identical) answers when playing Loaded Questions, much to our mutual embarassment.  I get to be hilarious and he gets to be physically fit.  While his high school graduation speech caused me great consternation with its brilliant combination of wry observation, impersonations, and wearing a baseball hat with a suit, I managed to dismiss the incident as a fluke.  I was still the funniest.  I don’t have to kill him.  He just needs to go on his merry way and leave the laughs to me.

But today he posted the best commentary on the Brett Favre saga that I’ve heard in all its many weeks. There’s a line involving Outback Steakhouse and John Madden that made me laugh till I cried and then I just cried.  He had gotten…funny.  Funny was my territory.  He got to be physically fit.  That’s balance.  And since I’m getting winded just typing this, I’m afraid he’ll have to be…dealt with.  By someone else of course.  Lifting a club and beating him to death would be exhausting.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take a nap and dream of my brother being dull and/or overweight.

Review: Pineapple Express

It’s not as good as “Knocked Up” or “Superbad” but if you want to see a good movie this weekend, see this instead of “The Dark Knight” for the 17th time.

Pineapple Express (7.8 out of 10)

The 80s Will Beat Us In Nostalgia

A t-shirt featuring the image to the right is currently available at BustedTees.com.  If you can’t spot the reference, that’s okay.  If you can, well, there’s plenty of shame to go around and I’ll take a little over here.  For those that still have their dignity, it’s a reference to the 1998 Jennifer Love Hewitt film Can’t Hardly Wait.  Loveburger is the name of the lame band no one wants to listen to at the party.  Add to this that the film is getting a 10-year anniversary edition DVD this fall and I can’t help but wonder: When did Can’t Hardly Wait becomes a 90s classic?  It’s a cute little film but there’s nothing that memorable about it.

It think the problem is that the 90s lacked signature films that were part of the era.  There are a lot of great films, but what 90s films scream their decade?  Scream, I guess.  The 80s, for all it’s garrishness and eye-sores, did leave an impression.  Maybe in a couple more years, the picture will be a bit clearer, but when I think 90s, I think Nickelodeon, Nirvana, and Steven Spielberg cartoons like Animaniacs and Tiny Toons.  Yeah, my childhood was crazy.

Last Friday’s Reviews

If you needed to know what to see last weekend, fire up the flux capacitor, crank it to 88 mph and make sure you have 1.21 gigawatts in the tank.  Or you could just see these films this weekend.  Whatever.

Step Brothers (7.6 out of 10)

The Wackness (8.0 out of 10)

I Need Your Help

It’s not easy for me to ask other people for help.  Even last month at that infamous kickball game, I was extremely reluctant to as my teammate if I could have a quick drink from her water bottle.  But my survival instinct overrode my shyness and I asked for the mandatory hydration to which she kindly agreed.  I was slightly embarrassed to ask someone for help but I would have been slightly unconscious had I not.

And now again I’m forced to ask my friends for help because my survival demands it.  I feel ashamed for asking because I am guilty of pretending that I’m more successful than I truly am.  Yes, my job of writing about movies and interviewing celebrities is awesome.  There’s no denying it and I feel that if I didn’t have a self-deprecating sense of humor, I would be even more insufferable than I already am as I deserve a littering fine for all the names I drop.  But the truth is that my job doesn’t pay me a whole lot.  Perhaps in another year or so, I’ll find a way to make enough money to do it full time at which point your jealousy will be wholly warranted.  But for now, film criticism won’t even pay my rent.  I’m on the verge of being homeless and if I were smarter and not so damn proud (damn this pride of mine!), I would have asked for help sooner.

But I’m asking for help now because I don’t want to lose everything I worked so hard to gain over the past seven months.  It pains me to ask for help or really to ask for anything from my friends.  But I feel like I finally became employable over the past year and a half and if I’m unemployed, then it’s a paradox and those can destroy the universe.  If you don’t want to do it for me, do it for the universe.

So the question I need you to ask yourself is this: do I or anyone I know need someone with the following areas of expertise:

- Writing: any tone, any style, done fast, done well.

- Web consulting: this was part of the work I was doing with Georgia Public Broadcasting; it hit a bit of a hiccup when the project changed hands and the software was overhauled to a new content management system.  However, my skill at coming up with the best possible site as pertaining to the project still holds as does my ability to explain that redesign to the non-web savvy crowd.

- Pop culture: this isn’t just trivia fodder but rather understanding current entertainment trends and how to explain and utilize these trends for purposes such as marketing, content development, and public relations.

I know we all have our own lives to keep afloat and trying to help someone else get a job is a pretty big to-do.   Believe me, if my life wasn’t at stake, I wouldn’t ask.  I like spending time with my you guys, not asking you for life-changing favors.  The most I ever want to ask of you is to play drums in Rock Band since being Jewish, I have no rythym.  If you ask someone for a favor then one day, and that day may never come, but one day, you’ll call upon me to do a service for you and then I’ll have to pretty up Sonny Corleone’s corpse.

So if you or anyone you know may want to take a look at my resume or sit down and talk with me to bask in my highly employable glow, please let me know.  I’ll owe you many.

Why So Serious?

It’s not a masterpiece but it’s the film you’re going to see this weekend and that’s money well spent.

The Dark Knight (8.9 out of 10)

Memo to John McCain

Dear Senator McCain,

It has been brought to my attention that twice in the past two days, you’ve referred to Czechoslovakia, a country which hasn’t existed since 1993.  In a gesture of non-partisanship, I would like to provide this handy list of countries that existed during your lifetime, but now no longer exist:

U.S.S.R.
Prussia
Hamburg
Transylvania
Sardinia
Gaul
Saxony
Constantinople
The Holy Roman Empire