Twilight
Rated: PG-13
Since I don't know any Twilight fans, I wonder if they know that the depiction of love and the romantic relationship in this film is totally false. If they do know and just want to indulge a fantasy, then I say "kudos" to them, enjoy your fantasy, and I'll be outside watching sports or building things or doing other manly activities. But if you were the girl sitting in the row behind me at the theatre last night going "Awww!" when the male lead Edward (Robert Pattinson) snuck into female lead Bella's (Kristen Stewart) room to watch her sleep, we need to talk. For those not in the know (and despite the series' place on the New York Times Bestseller list, my prediction for this weekend's box office rests on the assumption that there are a lot of you), Twilight is about a young girl who goes to live with her father and falls in love with the the world's least threatening vampire. You know Grandpa Munster? More threatening than Edward Cullen. Yet because he has to play into the "bad boy" fantasy (while still being noble, understanding, deep, introspective, and tortured), Edward has to repeatedly tell Bella that he's a "monster" and that she should be scared of him. Because he saves her life twice and notes that he only eats wild animals like deer, it's not exactly a leap of love that would lead any reasonable person to conclude that they need not fear Edward. His last card in the deck is his "true form" and why vampires never go out in the sunlight. It's not because they'll burst into flames or even reveal some hideous creature. No, when vampires in Twilight go into the sunlight, they sparkle. Unless Bella was pummeled by diamonds as a child, she should fear Edward about as much as a trip to Tiffany's. This fantasy wouldn't be so bad if it was consistent, but during their courtship, the relationship between Edward and Bella actually borders on realistic. It inhabits that high-school "make-up, break-up" noise and the angst that entails. Off-screen I can imagine Edward and Bella blogging about the other on their MySpace pages. But once the film starts taking that love seriously and begins treating the creepy as the romantic, the enterprise goes from charming to cringe-worthy. Girls, if a boy sneaks into your room to watch you sleep, call the police. If a boy follows you, it's called stalking—call the police. Shit like this doesn't qualify as "romance" in the real world so unless you're accepting Twilight as fantasy, someone needs to explain why Edward's behavior isn't romantic. Aside from Edward and Bella's initial courtship, the film also has a good understanding of family. I enjoyed watching Bella's interactions with her father and as a group, I enjoyed watching the interactions of the Cullens. The flipside to this is that Bella's group of friends is laughably horrible. It's as if instead of watching real teenagers, screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg sat down in front of the Disney channel for a few hours, took some notes, wrote the dialogue and somehow came out with something even worse. Catherine Hardwicke's direction doesn't fare much better. Rather than use a judicial application of color-timing, she just washes the film in an icy blue filter so that Bella's time spent with her normal friends and time spent with Edward has the exact same tone. It doesn't help that these are the whitest kids ever. Bella and her pals look like the undead and Edward and his family look like alabaster dolls. As for the effects work of the vampires' super-speed, strength, and agility, it's laughable. You'll see better special effects on Heroes* But then again, when the director feels the need to add a cartoony "shimmer" sound effect to Edward's glittering, I guess you can't expect much from the big set pieces. Twilight is for the fans. For everyone else, I think they'll come away feeling indifferent. I didn't hate Twilight but its obvious flaws and few redeeming qualities leave me wondering how anyone could love it. Then again, if your definition of "love" involves guys breaking into your room to watch you sleep, then perhaps I already have the answer to my question. *This is in no way a compliment to the special effects on Heroes Words by |