The Golden Compass
Rated: PG-13
Runtime: 1 hour, 53 minutes
Directed by: Chris Weitz
Starring:
Dakota Blue Richards - Lyla Belacqua
Nicole Kidman - Marisa Coulter
Sam Elliott - Lee Scoresby
Freddie Highmore - Pantalaimon (voice)
Ian McKellan - Iorek Byrnison (voice)
Eva Green - Serafina Pekkala
Daniel Craig - Lord Asriel
Ian McShane - Ragnar Sturlusson (voice)
If you were looking for a way to waste over $250 million dollars that didn't involve the U.S. Government, then you would make the The Golden Compass. I don't care how many digital animals your money can buy; not one of them, no matter how adorable or voiced by respected thespians like Sir Ian McKellan, Sir Ian McShane, or Sir Freddie Highmore (every British person who's an entertainer gets knighted, right?), can make up for a dull story and dull characters.
I hate to give a brief synopsis of the story because I don't want to bore you to the point where you stop reading this review, but I'll take my chances: In a world parallel to our own, where your soul lives outside your body in the form of an animal buddy called a "daemon", an authoritarian regime called The Magisterium is abducting children and trying to stop scientific discoveries that may challenge their rule. A young girl receives a golden compass that always knows The Truth and she's the only one that can read it. Rather than ask the most obvious question: "How can I stop the Magisterium?" she asks how she can find her dopey friend. This leads her on an adventure (I use that term loosely because it implies excitement) where she encounters gypsies, witches, and rasslin' polar bears who all bark exposition at her. She is pursued by Ms. Coulter (Nicole Kidman) one of the leaders of the Magisterium.
The film only does three things right in its two hour run time: Has the girl show a little bit of cunning in her deliberation with the king of the polar bears; the pointless detour where the disgraced polar bear fights the king polar bear; and naming the female villain Ms. Coulter although she's nowhere near as evil as her non-fiction counterpart.
If New Line Cinema really wanted to make another fantasy film as successful as The Lord of the Rings trilogy, they should have just done everything in their power to just make The Hobbit.
Words by
Matt Goldberg
12.7.07