Apocalypto
Rated: R
I'm not sure why I even bothered with this film. It didn't look too interesting. I don't think Mel Gibson is anything special as a director. I'm not that fascinated by Mayan culture (It's all about the Aztecs, baby!). But I was struck by a desire to see some of the old ultra-violence and I knew Old Mel was good for it. 
Unlike the pre-packaged Passion of the Christ, Mel had to gimmick this one up a bit. First, he had to use all Yucatek dialogue with English subtitles. Then he had to use more make-up and prothetics than the annual convention of amputee whores (Whores who happen to be amputees; not people who are whores for amputees—that's a different convention). And finally, he had to put his name over the title because there are no stars in it and the mainstream public could care less about the Mayan civilization (they, like me, favor the Aztecs). The story follows Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood), who, along with the rest of his village is kidnapped by a group of slave traders. Before being kidnapped, Jaguar manages to hide his family in a hole but through a series of unfortunate events, his family becomes trapped in the hole and Mr. Paw must escape his captors and save his pregnant wife and child. The story is torn between taking us into a new world and wanting us to connect on a universal level. The compromise is to show a visually captivating and detailed world in terms of costumes and art direction while also showcasing the familiarity of family loyalty. Unfortunately, the compromise diminishes the overall feel because it takes away the uniqueness of the culture. Yes, there are cultural divides like human sacrifice and slavery, but without the whys, it's all just set dressing. At one point in the film, Jaguar Paw and his fellow captives pass a large group of mining slaves, covered in a white dust. What they're mining, why they're mining it, and why there needs to be so many miners is left unanswered. While some may argue that this is Gibson showing the world at face value, it seems more like a missed opportunity and makes the whole effort seem half-hearted. Instead of bringing us deeper into an unfamiliar world, Gibson is content to bore us for the first hour where the captives trudge along to the city where they'll be sacrificed while the second half is a comically-terrible chase that's a mix of The Fugitive and First Blood. How bad is it? Well, this next part will contain spoilers so if you don't want to ruin the hilarity, don't read on. 
The first guy who dies gets a jaguar to the face. Another guy is randomly attacked by a snake and apparently, the solution to this jungle-dwelling people is to say "fuck it" and move on, like they've never had to deal with snake bites before. Later, after they've followed Jaguar Paw off a waterfall, he attacks them with bees. He throws a beehive at them. Where he got the beehive and how he was able to transport it without getting stung to death himself remains unknown. The only certainty during the chase is that all the guys chasing Jaguar Paw get, in a term I will now coin, jungle-fucked. It's Home Alone in the jungle. More hilarity follows as Gibson clearly has little respect for this culture and would rather exploit them like his good Christian ancestors before him. This is never offensive (at least not to me; my people got the business in his last film), but provides some of the film's biggest laughs. For instance, in a scene that could have come directly from a cartoon, the captives learn about their impending sacrifice from paintings on the wall. It's hilarious to see the thought-process on the character's faces (translated from Mayan): "Let's see, this guy…he's being stabbed….his heart is removed…and then they cut off his head. And he's painted blue…Wait. I'm painted blue. Ooooooh crap." And then there's the fake drama of rain which can supposedly drown Jaguar Paw's family because since you can't disprove it, Mayans lacked the buyoancy of the white man. Of course, Jaguar's wife may have been weighed down by her fetus, which she manages to pop out…underwater. Watching this baby just emerge submerged was almost when I stood up and said "Well, I've had enough." But it was clear that the film was almost over and I was laughing too hard to stand. Despite Gibson's efforts to paint a vivid portrait of Mayan life at the beginning of their civilization's downfall, beyond the flashy violence and psuedo-historic recreation, the substance only ranges from the mundane to the unintentionally comedic. Words by |