Hard to believe this guy was responsible for the biggest security failure, two failed wars, losing a major American city to weather, and killing the economy. If he wasn’t such an underachiever he could have made even more fuck-ups.
Last night, Rob Riggle said his fond farewell to The Daily Show. Riggle was easily my favorite correspondent and while it’s good to have John Oliver, Sam Bee, and Wyatt Cenac still around, the loss of the Riggs will be felt. I wish him all the best in his future crime-fighting endeavors.
Sometimes, I like to kill some time at Borders bookstores. Sometimes, it likes to kill me back a little, like so:
It’s unfathomable that there could be anything worse at Borders to have its own featured display. I mean what could possibly be worse than–
Nevermind.
Credit to Stephanie for sending this my way:
Since the McCain campaign and the Republican Party are in decline and don’t take losing very well, they’ve decided to go back to that time-tested strategy of deciding who’s a “real” American and who’s a “fake” American. I was worried that in all this talk about whether or not Obama was a terrorist and the possibility of a complete economic meltdown, we wouldn’t discuss who really loves their country and what loving that country means.
Thankfully, the GOP went there this past weekend and two of TV’s best editorialists have responded as only they could. First, the eloquent Keith Olbermann asks, “What is ‘pro-America’, Senator?”
Jon Stewart then has a follow-up question, “What the pfuck?”
There are 28 days left until Election Day. In that time, a horrible virus could ravage the Earth rendering its inhabitants fast-moving, blood-thirsty zombies; Sandra Bullock could do a stint in rehab; or John McCain could come back from the political brink and win this election on nothing more than vile attacks and broad smears. I think back to 2004 and recall the shock and horror of Bush winning a second term. I picture John McCain crossing the threshold of 270 votes on November 4th…I see him dying in office because he’s fucking old…I see Sarah Palin as President…My blood runs cold but my heart is beating out of my chest. I curl up into the fetal position and begin to sob. And then I look at this picture and everything is okay again:
It reminds me that Obama has run the best campaign possible. It wasn’t without its stumbles but it was hard-fought and it didn’t fall into the trap that got Al Gore and John Kerry of ignoring the smears and hoping the American people would be smart enough to see through it (they’re not). Obama has a smart, well-disciplined campaign and this little image reminds me of that. So whenever I read horror stories about John McCain or Sarah Palin, I just look at this photo and it calms my nerves and I put away my passport and stop looking for jobs overseas and return to hoping that our long, national nightmare will finally be over on January 20th, 2009.
The funniest person on SNL is the one who no longer works there. Tina Fey kills again as Sarah Palin.
Watch one of the best comedians working today nail the impersonation in SNL’s season premiere:
Everyone knows the story of Cain and Abel: Adam and Eve do a less-than-stellar parenting job (granted, their only parental figure kicked them out of paradise for eating fruit) and one their sons ends up killing the other out of jealousy. The lesson: love your brother. However, I take away a different moral from this story: brotherhood is about balance. If Abel hadn’t gone and tried to impress God, Cain wouldn’t have had to unleash some fratricide.
Balance is important between brothers and I have done my best to maintain it with mine. I’m really into movies and he’s really into sports. We’re both really into American History and give disturbingly similar (sometimes identical) answers when playing Loaded Questions, much to our mutual embarassment. I get to be hilarious and he gets to be physically fit. While his high school graduation speech caused me great consternation with its brilliant combination of wry observation, impersonations, and wearing a baseball hat with a suit, I managed to dismiss the incident as a fluke. I was still the funniest. I don’t have to kill him. He just needs to go on his merry way and leave the laughs to me.
But today he posted the best commentary on the Brett Favre saga that I’ve heard in all its many weeks. There’s a line involving Outback Steakhouse and John Madden that made me laugh till I cried and then I just cried. He had gotten…funny. Funny was my territory. He got to be physically fit. That’s balance. And since I’m getting winded just typing this, I’m afraid he’ll have to be…dealt with. By someone else of course. Lifting a club and beating him to death would be exhausting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take a nap and dream of my brother being dull and/or overweight.
