Entries Tagged as ''
Matt Enjoys the COCK
I’m sure that misleading post title will in no way come back to haunt me.
New review:
Bonus Review
I didn’t get a chance to catch Wanted until Thursday night but I thought I should slap this one up quick since it’s definitely worth seeing. Click the link below to find out why I think so.
Reviews You Can’t Use!
I had opinions on stuff! Look and see!
American Teen (8.6 out of 10)
Choke (8.7 out of 10)
The Foot Fist Way (8.3 out of 10)
Get Smart (7.9 out of 10)
The Incredible Hulk (8.1 out of 10)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (5.7 out of 10)
Speed Racer (7.8 out of 10)
The Strangers (4.5 out of 10)
Wall-E (9.7 out of 10)
Daily Show Done Wrong
Last night, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart stole a joke from the web-comic, Penny Arcade. Jon Stewart must, for the integrity of his show, his writing staff, and himself, give credit to Penny Arcade immediately. I know it seems like I’m taking this too seriously, but this is an unnecessary blemish on The Daily Show’s stellar record.
Impolite Company
I was raised with a certain code of behavior, especially regarding women. Women are to be regarded with the utmost respect. This eventually translated into a crippling fear of the opposite sex, a fear for which I blame both my parents: my mom for having me put women on a pedestal and my dad for not being around to teach me how a man is supposed to interact with women. That is why I and all the male heterosexual children of divorce will remain single from now until eternity. Once eternity hits, we’ll find a nice girl to settle down with.
However, I know that there are women who work in a different section of society. They operate purely in the realm of the sexual so conventional social mores of interaction no longer apply. The rules in this realm are the complete opposite. You’re supposed to ogle. You’re supposed to put money inside underwear. You’re supposed to not care about what they have to say or who they are as human beings. The customer-stripper relationship is sacrosanct the only “No” you’ll encounter is when it comes to touching. They can touch you but you can’t touch them. This is better than no one touching you at all.
But in between is where the world is turned upside down and I’m lost in the ether. This is the realm of Hooters, casino waitresses, and any other attractive young woman who is praying off your sexual appetite but will in no way disrobe for you no matter how many singles you have. So what to do? What is the standard social practice? Am I supposed to stare? These women are working jobs that have been done by many a clothed human being. Bringing me my food does not get me aroused at Chili’s but if I go to Hooters, it’s a different story (especially if I’m hungry). Pretend that the waitress isn’t attractive? Pretend that her t-shirt and booty shorts aren’t serving their intended purpose exceedingly well? It’s too much stress. I just want to enjoy my chicken wings without feeling like a pervert.
Not knowing how to act around attractive women on a day-to-day basis is difficult enough. But at least they’re not actively trying to tempt me with the illusion of any kind of physical contact (although they’re more than welcome to try!). I cannot say the same for these testaments to sexual innuendo. I’m not mad at them or even depressed. I just wish Emily Post had laid out some ground rules for the situation.
Done the Impossible
For some reason, Barack Obama’s official clinching of the nomination on June 3rd didn’t really hit me. Maybe I was exhausted from the primary season or maybe I had accepted his victory back on May 6th when he won North Carolina by a landslide and almost won Indiana. For whatever reason, it wasn’t until now, at Hillary Clinton’s concession speech and her endorsement of Obama, that I can finally accept that he has done the impossible.
I’m proud of myself not because I ended up backing the winning candidate back before Iowa, but because I had the good sense not to give into predictions. I knew I wanted Obama to win, but the farthest I was willing to guess was “Maybe Edwards?” It wasn’t because he was a better candidate (although had he received the nomination, you’d hear no complaints from me), but he was a white guy. I didn’t have enough faith in Americans to select an African-American or a woman as their candidate. My faith in America was shattered in 2004 with the re-election of George W. Bush. That faith hasn’t been completely been rebuilt by the nomination of Barack Obama but construction is underway.
But there was really only one way this ever could have happened and it has nothing to do with demographics or even past decisions like whether we should or should not have invaded Iraq. It had to do with one campaign running brilliantly and the other being disastrous. How can anyone look at this race and not think of the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare? Slow and steady won the race because Clinton did not prepare for a contest after Super Tuesday. It’s been said that “Failure to plan is planning to fail,” and that’s exactly what happened. Once Obama won eleven contests in a row, it was over for her. She was never able to make up that difference. She tried to gather her forces in Texas and Ohio but it wasn’t enough.
Of course, then came the Reverend Wright mess and that’s where Obama proved himself on the campaign trail. It can’t be enough that your opponent is weak. You have to be strong and that Obama was able to weather that storm perfectly as well as the minor storm with his “bitter” remark, shows that he’s ready for the fight with the Republican Attack Machine. And I regret my earlier sentiments that Clinton should get out of the race because this long battle didn’t hurt the party but strengthened Obama as a candidate and forced him to actually fight rather than coast to the nomination on his opponent’s poor strategy.
We now have a clear contest on our hands and every cynic who says this is just a contest between John Jackson and Jack Johnson hasn’t been paying attention. I’m nervous and excited to see what will transpire in the next five months but for now, I can only sit back and marvel at what Barack Obama accomplished and hope that he will be the 44th President of the United States of America.
Hillary Clinton Wins the Nomination (in another dimension)
Senator Clinton’s speech from last night in New York City:
Didn’t she just lose? I mean, Obama reached the magic number. He has half of all delegates plus one. She could get every remaining superdelegate and would still have fewer delegates. So…why is she talking like she won? Shouldn’t the words out of her mouth be “congratulations”? Honestly, I feel like I’m watching a speech from an alternate reality. Apparently, in this alternate reality, the person with the largest popular vote wins. I guess had Bizarro Obama known this, he may have run his campaign differently.
Also, in this alternate reality, she won the important swing states. She especially duked it out in Michigan and Florida where Obama didn’t campaign. Those are important states and the fact that Obama ignored those because he signed some silly pledge with all the other candidates just shows that he is not fit to be president in this or any other reality.
The Hillary of Earth-2 wants the people who voted for her to be counted. Apparently, nuts to the people who voted for Earth-2 Obama. They don’t count. They voted in caucuses n’ shit.
Of course, Hillary’s supporters in this strange land are also quite odd. Rather than turn the battle against John McCain and make sure that we’re not treated to four more years of failed Bush administration strategy, they want to keep fighting Obama and the DNC all the way to the convention. Or, maybe chanting “Den-ver! Den-ver!” is how they say “Wrap it up! Wrap it up!”
But the basic message of this speech seemed to be “Help me help you. Deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall; you NEED ME on that wall! Show me the money! I feel the need for speed!” Okay, I’m all out of Tom Cruise movies.
But the money quote was “I will be making no decisions tonight.” Rather than humbly accept defeat, math, and common political sense, there will be no graceful exit for Senator Clinton. I have no idea what she’s planning but I think Andrew Sullivan (who I think demonizes the Clintons to an unhealthy degree) has the best solution: make her the healthcare czar. Because she can’t be the VP. America’s not ready for that ticket and the amount of bad blood that’s been spilled during this primary season can’t be mopped up by a unity ticket.
Still, all Clinton supporters from all realities can go to HillaryClinton.com and let her know that they support her so that she can later go “Look! My supporters are supporting me! I’m not finished!”
But no matter what reality you’re from, I’m sure you were just as sickened by Clinton invoking America’s resilience after 9/11 to the resilience of her campaign.
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I Like Traffic
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I Like Stuff
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I Like XBOX 360
