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The Law Is Not a Suggestion

I hope Senators Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and Charles Schumer (D-CA) are happy.  They were the two “Democratic” members of the Senate Judiciary Committee to join with the nine Republican members to allow Michael Mukasey’s confirmation as Attorney General.  Yesterday, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi politely asked if the Justice Department wouldn’t mind, if it’s not too much trouble, to file a lawsuit against former Bush aides Harriet Miers and Josh Bolten for their contempt of Congress citations.  For those that don’t recall, Miers and Bolton refused a congressional subpoena over a year ago when Congress was looking into the firing of nine U.S. attorneys in 2006 for political reasons.

Today, Mukasey said, “Nah, I don’t think so.”  See, he was home-team all along.  Apparently, there wasn’t one honest Republican the Bush administration was willing to hire.  I’ve always found it a little odd that the President gets to nominate the Attorney General when the Attorney General’s job is to investigate any wrong-doing, even if it’s by the President.  Then again, everyone is pledged to uphold the Constitution but apparently, that’s not really important.  What’s important is that you uphold the administration.  No matter how flagrantly they abuse our laws and show nothing but contempt for American values (like not torturing people), no Republican will ever hold this administration accountable.  Of course, it’s not like any Democrat is really forcing them to.

Who You Gonna Call?

I was worried there wouldn’t be any more hilarious political ads after Tom Tancredo dropped out of the race but Hillary Clinton has come through for me. Take a look:

I just get all these great images of Hillary answering the phone at 3AM:

AIDE: It’s Felipe Calderón, Madam President.
CLINTON: Felipe! Tell him, “Tu madre con leche!” He’ll know what it means.

AIDE: Madam President, the red phone is flashing.
CLINTON: Let me scoop that up. Hello? Oh my God! There’s a potato famine in Idaho!

AIDE: Madam President, there’s a call…and it’s from the red phone.
CLINTON: What fucking year is it? Don’t we have a situation room? Why is our security based on me answering a red phone?

Just remember: if Barack Obama answers that phone, your children die.

Where SNL Was Victorious In Its Return Episode

It wasn’t casting Fred Armisen as Barack Obama. It wasn’t Tina Fey’s opening sketch with Steve Martin. God knows it wasn’t the dreadfully unfunny sketches “What that bitch be sayin’?” and the one with the drunken best-man. No, it was this. It was the brilliance of Bill Hader’s uncanny ability to mimic just about anyone and anything and SNL acknowledging one of my favorite movies and favorite catch-phrases of last year. See it below or one night I’ll come into your house while you’re sleeping and I’m going to cut your throat.

Election 2008: Why Hillary’s Time Is Almost Up

Hillary illustration from The New YorkerI don’t hate Hillary Clinton. Some people do. I find her distasteful and crass at times, but I don’t think she’s a bad person or The Great Emasculator as some have painted her. I will say that if she tries to steal Michigan and Florida’s discounted delegates, I will hate her because she’ll have cheated her way to victory. I tend to dislike her because I know that even if she managed to beat John McCain in the general election, she wouldn’t be able to get a damn thing done as President because she embraces partisan politics rather than move past them. I also find this co-presidency idea of her and Bill rather uncomfortable. When I vote, I want to vote for a President and a Vice-President. I’m not saying that the First Lady (or if she won, the First Husband) couldn’t have their own policy agenda, but they also have to realize that they’re not elected officials. They didn’t have to be confirmed by Congress.  Also, if we’re really to consider them “a team” then we’re giving that team an unconstitutional third term. But most of all, what bothers me is that if she plans to run the country the same way she ran her campaign, we’re in for a nightmare. Not a nightmare of Bush-proportions, but certainly an unpleasant dream.

Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic, Frank Rich of The New York Times, and Robert Creamer of The Huffington Post have covered this wonderfully. I would only add that for the Hillary Clinton campaign, it didn’t have to be this way. They didn’t have to play into the ridiculous belief that Democrats are somehow weak so they need to look tough and since Hillary is a woman, she needs to look double-tough. I’ve read numerous articles that say in person, Hillary Clinton is a warm, funny, and friendly person. I haven’t seen that on the campaign trail. I’ve seen cold, calculating, and ruthless with only the faintest hints of a human inside the political machine. Hillary’s tears in New Hampshire didn’t draw attention because it was a moment of weakness (as some cynics may say), but because they showed humanity and if a glimpse of humanity draws massive attention, then it’s because it’s a break from the norm of her campaign.

Which leads to the schizophrenic approach we’ve seen since Iowa. One moment, she’s viciously fighting with Obama (as she did in South Carolina, where she lost badly) and the next, she’s conciliatory and cordial, as she was in California (where she won by a fair margin). During last Thursday’s debate in Texas, she’s proud to be sharing the stage with Barack Obama and the next, she’s mocking and scolding him. Her campaign doesn’t attack him with much beyond a dubious message about “experience”. And if you honestly think you can win by rallying against hope and optimism, then you’re mad.

And the banner of “Hope” and “Change” don’t make Obama invincible.  There are other ways to attack him.  Compare him to George W. Bush by saying that in 2000, we had a choice between a likable guy with no specific plans and a stodgy guy with highly detailed plans, and now we have a chance to make the right decision.  It’s a false comparison, but it’s a solid attack.

Or she could go after his lack of foreign policy experience.  She could say, “Barack may have visited many countries, but I’ve actually worked with them,” It’s simple, effective, and it seems like the only reason she won’t play it is because now she’s put herself out for a litmus test with John McCain on the basis of foreign-policy experience.  That’s a piss-poor reason because if you can’t beat down the guy who wants 100 more years of an unpopular war, you’re a coward and a fool.

And let us not forget about the transmogrifying of Bill Clinton from affable populist into borderline-racist-hitman. Instead of using Bill’s natural charisma and charm to try and win voters, the Clinton campaign has sent him out to be the bad guy, saying all the nasty things Hillary can’t say because her unfavorables are so high (she can say them now since obviously, the Bill-as-Bad-Guy tactic failed miserably) and she has no choice but to pull out all the stops before Ohio and Texas.

It’s not only that the Clinton campaign has actively pursued bad strategy, but constantly avoided good strategy. How am I supposed to trust in your experience if you can go all the way from front-runner to a last stand in the space of three months?

Olbermann Doesn’t Understand Humor

Okay, I have me some serious love for Keith Olbermann.  That’s not news to anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis, but I thought I would just make that clear because I think his #1 story on last night’s Countdown was absurd.  Comparing Stewart’s joke about Obama’s name and a Hitler-reference with Ann Coulter doing the same was absurd.  When Coulter does it, she’s actively trying to denigrate Obama.  When Stewart did it, he was actively trying to denigrate Ann Coulter (and those like her).  You can deny it all you want, but he does have an unusual name and Obama was the first to acknowledge it.  The joke, for those that don’t understand humor, is that in a voting populace as vapid as this one, names matter because they can make for easy punchlines.  The rhymes and references of Obama’s name have nothing to do with who he is as a politician or his policies, but they will undoubtedly be used to smear him.  That was the point, Keith.  (Also his saying that Balls of Fury was tragically ignored was either him being incredibly polite or more proof that his understanding of humor is somewhat lacking).  Patton Oswalt, who does understand humor, backs me up on this.  And since Oswalt released one of the funniest comedy albums I’ve ever heard, I yield to his similar opinion.

I’m Fucking Seth Rogen

Surprisingly hilarious.  You would think that Kevin Smith trying to capitalize on this would backfire, but it’s actually pretty great.  Check it out.

I’m Fucking Ben Affleck

Yeah, you knew it was coming, but that doesn’t make it any less hilarious. Also, everyone in this gets a life-long Cool Pass.

Dear Nintendo

Dear Nintendo,

I like your products. It’d be great if you considered actually manufacturing them from time to time.

Sincerely,
Matt Goldberg

The 80th Oscars - The Should, The Will, and The Did

 UPDATED: My commentary now runs throughout.  I know you wanted it.  Wanted it hard.

The Oscars are tomorrow night and as I do every year, I lay out my predictions in each category of who I think will win, who I think should win, and who actually did win. I probably should have done this earlier to help people with their office Oscar pools. But then again, if you really wanted my help, you could have just asked (as one friend did and he’s going to do better than you). I’ll be updating this tomorrow night as the winners are announced and hopefully wins for Atonement won’t send me into an apoplectic seizure.

Best Picture

Will Win: No Country for Old Men
Should Win: No Country for Old Men
Did Win:

Best Actor

Will Win: Daniel Day-Lewis [There Will Be Blood]
Should Win: Daniel Day-Lewis [There Will Be Blood]
Did Win:

Best Actress

Will Win: Julie Christie [Away From Her]
Should Win: Marion Cotillard [La Vie en Rose]
Did Win: Marion Cotillard [La Vie en Rose]

Really cute acceptance speech.  I’m sure Christie will forgive and forget.

Best Supporting Actor

Will Win: Javier Bardem [No Country for Old Men]
Should Win: Casey Affleck [The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford]
Did Win: Javier Bardem [No Country for Old Men]

He loves his mama!!!

Best Supporting Actress

Will Win: Cate Blanchett [I’m Not There]
Should Win: Cate Blanchett [I’m Not There]
Did Win: Tilda Swinton [Michael Clayton]

The win was worth if only to remind us all that George Clooney was in Batman & Robin.

Best Director

Will Win: Joel and Ethan Coen [No Country for Old Men]
Should Win: Julian Schnabel [The Diving Bell and the Butterfly]
Did Win:

Best Original Screenplay

Will Win: Diablo Cody [Juno]
Should Win: Diablo Cody [Juno]
Did Win: Diablo Cody[Juno

The way this night was going, I thought it may swing to Tony Gilroy for Michael Clayton, but Oscar went with the best choice and I’m so happy they did.  I thought Cody was going to do a few kung-fu kicks but tearing up at the end was just as cool.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Will Win: Joel and Ethan Coen [No Country for Old Men]
Should Win: Joel and Ethan Coen [No Country for Old Men]
Did Win: Joel and Ethan Coen [No Country for Old Men]

Best Animated Feature

Will Win: Ratatouille
Should Win: Ratatouille
Did Win: Ratatouille

Best Documentary Feature

Will Win: No End in Sight
Should Win: No End in Sight
Did Win: Taxi to the Dark Side

Hey, Discovery Channel. Good move choosing not to air the film because it was “too controversial”. HBO gets to show it now, bitches.

Best Foreign-Language Film

Will Win: The Counterfeiters
Did Win: The Counterfeiters

Best Art Direction

Will Win: Atonement
Should Win: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Did Win: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

This was a pleasant surprise (as is any time Atonement loses). I thought Sweeney Todd wouldn’t win it because voters would credit the design more to Tim Burton than to the art designers.

Best Cinematography

Will Win: Roger Deakins [No Country for Old Men]
Should Win: Roger Deakins [The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford]
Did Win: There Will Be Blood

Deakins: Denied! And while I think There Will Be Blood has amazing cinematography, Deakins owned this year.

Best Costume Design

Will Win: Atonement
Should Win: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Did Win: Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Best Editing

Will Win: No Country for Old Men
Should Win: No Country for Old Men
Did Win: The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Make-Up

Will Win: La Vie en Rose
Should Win: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Did Win: La Vie en Rose

Nooo! I can’t say, “The Oscar-winning Norbit

Best Score

Will Win: Atonement
Should Win: Ratatouille
Did Win: Atonement

Best Song

Will Win: Falling Slowly [Once]
Should Win: Falling Slowly [Once]
Did Win: Falling Slowly [Once]

This is one of the wins that makes me the happiest. Great song, great people, great movie.

Best Sound Editing

Will Win: Transformers
Should Win: Transformers
Did Win: The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Sound Mixing

Will Win: Transformers
Should Win: Transformers
Did Win: The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Visual Effects

Will Win: Transformers
Should Win: Transformers
Did Win: The Golden Compass

Not only did it feature a lot of unnecessary effects, it featured a lot of shitty effects. Usually this category gets it right, but not this year.

Best Documentary Short

Will Win: Freeheld
Did Win: Freeheld

Best Animated Short

Will Win: Peter and the Wolf
Did Win: Peter and the Wolf

Best Live-Action Short

Will Win: Mozart
Did Win: Mozart

A few notes:

- Jon Stewart. Everything Jon Stewart. Especially when he brought Marketa Irglova back to say her acceptance speech.

- The Bourne Ultimatum totally fucked me tonight. I love the film, but damn, did it really screw me on a lot of picks.

- The montage of Best Picture winners shows in a brief few moments that the Oscars fucked-up. A lot.

- I picked all the obscure categories like Best Short Action Film but got murdered on all the ones I was so sure about. The moral: my instincts are wrong and I shall be forever filled with self-doubt.

Ultimately,  a pretty good Academy Awards.  Some very sweet moments but mostly a subdued affair, which I thought worked well.  I only got 14 out of 24 categories correct and with the exception of The Golden Compass, none of the wins really pissed me off.

Do You Have The Crazy?

The Signal - PosterToday The Signal arrives in theatres and if it’s playing in one near you, I highly recommend you see it. Some have compared the premise to Stephen King’s 2006 horror novel Cell. I didn’t know people still read Stephen King books. What I do know is that The Signal is the evolution of the zombie flick and it’s scary as hell. There’s loads of gore but a strong undercurrent of psychological horror at work that will make you incredibly uncomfortable (although if you’re from Atlanta, this will be interrupted by shouts of “Hey! I know that place!”). I interviewed the three directors of the film yesterday and they were really nice and intelligent gents. I also spoke briefly with two of the film’s stars (although not in an official-interview capacity) and they were also very cool folks.

So today I’m plugging The Signal not only because it’s a great film out of my hometown, but because it’s a small little film that I believe is destined for cult greatness. I think Magnolia hasn’t done right by the movie with their poor marketing but if you tend to agree with me about movies, please see The Signal. If you don’t, accept that you’re wrong and see The Signal.

Click here to read my full review.

Also, I saw the film over a month ago and the song, “Leave” by the band Heavens, is still haunting me: