The Top 10 Films of 2007
Happy This Year:
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The Worst 5 Films of 2007
You probably didn’t see the majority of these films. Good for you. Now feel my pain:
But don’t worry: the best is yet to come. Like, tomorrow. My Top 10 of 2007 list is tomorrow. Be sure to read it.
Election 2008: One Week Till It Matters
I haven’t posted about the 2008 Presidential campaigns too much. I think it’s mandatory for the 24-hour news networks to do so because you have to fill the airtime with something and if you can’t do it with bullshit celebrity gossip, bullshit political speculation will suffice. But now, with the Iowa caucus in less than one week, it’s really happening. Unless there’s some kind of tremendous event, like the discovery of John Edwards insatiable appetite for kittens or Jesus returning to Earth to give a big thumbs up to Mike Huckabee (he was really impressed by the governor’s weight loss), these are your candidates and you’ve had a chance to learn about them for almost a year. And while the media may like to preordain the winners, in 2004 they chose Dean as their winner…until he came in third in Iowa and they found a reason to paint him a loser.And not to go off on too much of a tangent, but if your entire campaign can end in less than thirty seconds despite everything you’ve said and done over the previous months, then all Americans should lose sleep over our political process. Something is seriously fucked up.
But back to the here and now, there is a feeling of hope. I don’t care who the Republicans choose. Part of me wants them to pick Huckabee because a) it would be the Religious Right finally devouring the party that thought it could manipulate that block of voters and b) it would be hilarious to see him run for President and hear all the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth…right up until he wins. Then it’s Emigration-Time! The other part of me would like Ron Paul to win, not because I agree with his policies, but because it would absolutely change not only the Republican party, but the amount of attention paid to the Internet and its power. Beyond those two, any other Republican candidate is more of the same and probably worse. While I know that they’re appealing to their base and will scale their rhetoric way back should they get the nomination, it’s still disturbing to see these guys campaigning as Bush III as if the President’s 32% approval-rating is the clear mandate of this entire country.
As for the Democrats, the way I see it is not a prediction. I’m not going to play that game because not only do I think it puts our political process on the same level as any other sport (and even if it is, Tom Brady doesn’t get to decide national policy if the Pats win the Super Bowl), but because I’m really bad at predictions. I fancy myself a film expert and I still won’t predict box office returns because beyond predicting who will be #1 at the box office, it’s clear my crystal ball isn’t worth a damn. The way I see it is only through my own personal opinions with a hint of logic based solely on my close following of the electoral process since 2004.
For me, the worst-case scenario is Hillary Clinton winning the nomination. No, it’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she’s 100%-beltway. She’s a part of a system that’s clearly failed us. She’s pure politics and she follows this unbearable process as end unto itself. Other than once being passionate about universal health care, what is Hillary Clinton about? How does she represent change other than not wanting to “double Guantanamo”? She’s Republican-lite and she’ll be chasing that elusive center that every empty-headed “expert” will tell her is moving to the right. If she gets elected President (and she won’t, but let’s assume for the sake of my rant that she would), her claim to greatness will be that she wasn’t as bad as George W. Bush. And I don’t care who she has on her team. Remember back in 2000 when it was okay that Bush didn’t know anything because he had a great team of advisers? Yeah, that worked out well. Unlike Bush, it’s not that she doesn’t know anything, but if you’re in an echo chamber and no one is speaking truth to power, then the will of the American people isn’t at work but rather a few voices with a very strict agenda. Furthermore, being married to Bill Clinton does not make you Bill Clinton. Charisma and charm is not sexually transmitted (believe me, I’ve tried). I can only hope that nostalgia does not overpower voters who look with longing to the presidency of Bill Clinton and think that if we elect his wife, then everything will go back to being somewhat-good. And if terrorists had staged an attack which killed 2,999 people on September 11th, 1993, I would say you might be on to something. But the election of Hillary Clinton will only divide this country further. She’ll spend her time combating conservatives or trying to get other Democrats elected. She’s part of a party, not a part of this country.
You may shrug and say “That’s politics,” but if that’s your response, then you’re an asshole and I don’t have time for you. You think what we really need right now is more cynicism? If you think this is the way things are and that’s the way they’re always going to be, then I feel sorry for you and I wonder if you take some sort of sad comfort in the fact that “yeah, things suck, but at least I’m acclimated to the suckiness of the situation,” But if you are that cynical, then you already know (that’s another wonderful thing about cynicism: you don’t think, you don’t predict, you don’t hope; you know) that Hillary won’t get elected, not because she’s so unlikable or because she carries some sense of entitlement, but because she’s a woman. America would never elect a woman. What would countries like Switzerland or Finland or Germany or Ireland or New Zealand think?
And if by some incredible stretch of the imagination or in some alternate dimension where such an unimaginable concept is somehow possible, then at least there’s no way, no way, no way America would ever elect a black man president. Sorry, Barack Obama. I can’t believe nobody told you. Apparently he can’t get the nomination because no one in the South is going to vote for a black guy. But back in 2000 and 2004 they didn’t vote for a Democratic white guy either so maybe, just maybe, it has more to do with the position of the Democratic party and less to do with a candidate’s skin color or home state. And I strongly support Obama because while some may argue that we need experience, our experience has been pretty awful. If Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi ran for President, who could argue with their credentials? What good is experience if all it offers is more of the same shit? America needs a new direction. Honestly, I don’t know if Obama’s direction is what will save this country. Perhaps it’s too idealistic. Perhaps it’s just not feasible. But between the certainty of continued decline and the possibility of prosperity, I’ll take the latter.
I find Barack Obama inspiring. Not because I’m somehow impressed by the novelty of a real contender for the Presidency who isn’t an old white guy, but because he represents something this country desperately needs: unity. We had it after September 11th and because it was the only game they knew (and they were so darn good at it), Karl Rove and the Republican party ripped this country apart by playing the politics of division. Hillary will pretend to play a true alternative but will continue the path of Democratic capitulation and Edwards will be too divisive and he’ll continue this divisiveness but now with the Democratic party ripping this country apart. But with Obama, there’s a Lincoln-esque magnanimity. It’s not his way or the highway but nor is it a matter of succumbing to conservative spin because it’s the only way business gets done, no matter how terrible the deal may be. Again, it may be idealistic and foolish, but I’m willing to be the fool that follows because the alternative is too grotesque.
The realist in me feels like the one who will Iowa is either Joe Biden or Chris Dodd, with an edge towards Biden because he’s the lesser of the two and Democrats know how to lose. It’s not that Biden is a bad guy, but he’ll be a repeat of Kerry. He’ll inevitably stick his foot in his mouth and constantly be on the defensive and let the conservatives always control the story. I would much rather support Dodd. And Dodd is not a sure thing. He could very well lose. But I would be proud to follow him, even if it’s to defeat. He’s a man who stands for something and is passionate about our sorely neglected Constitution.
But part of me feels like no matter who wins, we lose because even if an honorable Democrat like Obama or Dodd gets the nomination, the Democratic strategists, the ones who already infect Clinton’s campaign, will rush in and destroy the candidate from the inside-out. They’ll be the ones who slap the orange vest on him and encourage him to politely get served his own ass by his inevitably ruthless opponent. I have to hope that won’t happen, because the alternative is to succumb to cynicism, stay home, complain while I rest secure in how smart I am, and let the world turn to shit around me.
I don’t know the people of Iowa. And I don’t know if Iowa determines who wins the nomination. But I know that now it’s time to start paying attention. Now we’re done with speculation and we need to prepare for serious analysis and contemplation. It’s time to hope for the best, acknowledge the worst, and act accordingly.
The Whitest Kids U Wish U Knew
Would you like to see some brilliant sketch comedy? Of course you would.
Ever wonder how terrible movies get made?
Using this information will get you a ‘5′ on the AP European History Exam
I love Timmy’s frantic energy in this one; however, the ending is NSFW
You must be pleasant when you run into old friends. No matter what.
One of the problems with hot air balloons
And finally, while these aren’t my favorites, I don’t want to get shit for not including them:
There Will Be Movie Review
I didn’t forget about you. Not only was this review embargoed until the 25th when the film is released in New York and LA, but the film is truly in the spirit of Christmas assuming Christmas is about greed, pride, arrogance, and lunacy. I wouldn’t know, being Jewish and all. But no matter what the meaning of Christmas may be, I know that gifts are involved so I give this one to you. *
And since it’s Christmas and I’m in the giving/time-killing mood, here’s a track from Jonny Greenwood’s excellent score:
*Gift is non-returnable.
Paul Rudd Is a God of Comedy
I could post a number of videos demonstrating why Paul Rudd is one of the funniest men alive. But since Walk Hard tanked this weekend because American done fucked up, I’ll show his cameo from that film since the film will probably now leave theatres in a hurry.
He’s an android. There’s no other explanation.
The kid is back. And he does it without the homo-erotic tension of these guys.
Reviews: Resurrection
They’re back. Read and enjoy. That’s not a suggestion. It’s a command.
Charlie Wilson’s War
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The Golden Compass (for Alice)
I Am Legend
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Youth Without Youth
Juno What You Need to Hear?
I do not envy movie-lovers this weekend. However, I do ask that they envy me because I have seen Charlie Wilson’s War, Sweeney Todd, Walk Hard, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and for folks in Atlanta, Juno. All five open on Friday and while I enjoyed all of them to varying degrees (you’ll see those degrees tomorrow when I do a massive post of movie reviews), the one I can recommend to all is Juno. It’s a charming movie that I’ve been describing (as required by the Fox Searchlight marketing department), this year’s Little Miss Sunshine. I actually think it’s sharper than Sunshine and it’s also better than director Jason Reitman’s rather enjoyable previous film, Thank You For Smoking. The cast is tremendous, writer Diablo Cody has given Hollywood a desperately needed unique female voice that isn’t menopausal, and the soundtrack is also a lot of fun. Here is the song that plays over the opening credits and really helps set the tone.
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I Like Traffic
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I Like Stuff
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I Like XBOX 360
