GoldbergBlog

In Case You Needed Another Reason

After finishing A.J. Jacobs’s The Year of Living Biblically (I also met Jacobs last night and he’s a super-nice and funny guy), I have to say that I’m a bit more accepting of Evangelical Christians. Yes, I think they’re ridiculous for thinking that the Earth is only 6,000 years old. Yes, I think they’re willfully ignorant for denying evolution. Yes, I think they look silly when they speak in tongues. But now I appreciate that they’re not just a monolithic group that’s ruining our country. I especially like the “Red-Letter Christians” who actually adhere to the acts and words of Jesus, like fighting poverty and showing compassion, rather than pushing a hateful political agenda and then hiding behind the Bible.

But sometimes Christianity can be really fucking stupid (as can all religions) as it is in the case of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. First off, I’m wholly against electing anyone named Sonny to any office. The only thing guys named Sonny can do is to die horribly at toll booths. But he’s the Governor of my home state of Georgia and I have to live with that. And I also have to live with how he plans to respond to our drought.

Yes, Georgia is in a drought right now and it makes me feel guilty every time I use water. If I were Governor, I would fight a drought by trying to build reservoirs, aqueducts, irrigation; anything that utilizes the advancements of civilization. And civilization has come up with some good solutions because humans need water. We may need to boil it or treat it somehow, but we need it. And preferably in bottles that cost $1.09. But Governor Perdue has decided to eschew thousands of years of human ingenuity and return to basics: he’s going to pray for rain.

Let me say that again: he’s going to pray for rain.

I don’t know which is worse: taking the time to pray for rain when that time could be spent trying to find solutions to our water shortage or rallying your Conservative Christian voters in a cynical ploy to exploit a serious crisis in exchange for their constant support. No wait. The second one is definitely worse.

Look, if you want to pray on your own time, great. Go nuts. But when you want to rally your Christian base and pray on the steps of the Capitol because “Fuck it, what else can you do?” then I weep for my state. And then I quit weeping and say that shit like this wouldn’t happen if you fucking morons didn’t re-elect this chump last year. Also, if conservatives weren’t so busy denying Global Warming, maybe they wouldn’t have to pray for rain. You may believe in the power of prayer, but you know what I believe? Taking action.

In the end, all I can think of is the following parable:

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man. He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.

A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, “It’s alright! The Lord will save me!” So the helicopter flew away.

The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted, “No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!” and the boat sped off.

The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, “I don’t need saving! My Lord will come,” Reluctantly, the helicopter left.

The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise, and the man drowned.

At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, “Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man – why did my Lord not rescue me?”

St. Peter replied, “For pity sake! He sent you two helicopters and a boat!”

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