GoldbergBlog

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS Needs To Play Defense

Friday Night Lights is a show worth championing. I didn’t care for the movie (I thought it was a tad racist; ask me how!) so I didn’t really think I’d care for the show. The promos highlighted it as a whole town who only cared about football and that just seemed sad and pathetic. Of course, after hearing all the critical acclaim and getting to see the pilot for free off of iTunes (you’re losing far more than you know by quitting them, NBC), I was hooked and found my way into a show that explored small town life in a way that no other show was really doing. The show wasn’t perfect. Only Zach Gilford, Jesse Plemons, and Aimee Teegarden looked like they could really be in high school and any plotlines involving the hot but horrid actress Minka Kelly usually ended in tears. But the show succeeded on so many unexpected levels. Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton gave tremendous performances both as a couple and as individuals. The relationship between Matt Saracen and Julie Taylor was heartwarming and thoughtful. And the football, which should have been the dullest part since we knew they would be going to State and thus would be winning, was absolutely captivating. But despite the show’s strengths and critical acclaim, it ended up “on-the-bubble” and only received a repreive at the end of the season. This was a show that needed to step up its audience because critical acclaim and a small-but-devoted fanbase isn’t enough to keep the network executioners at bay.

But judging from the first two episodes of the new season, FNL is playing like they not only breezed into a second year but already have a full-order for twenty-two episodes. While I admire the bravado, if they keep the tone of the season where it’s at right now, they can start packing their things right now because it won’t survive past mid-season.

It’s not that season isn’t dramatically rewarding, but it’s just too brutal. Granted, a tried-and-true dramatic premise (especially in television) is to shake the status quo so that the characters have to work to restore it. The problem is that everything is broken right now in the world of Dillon. Characters we depended on for comic relief last season are practically on the verge of going into a warm bath and opening a few veins. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate giving these characters weightier material, but the show just isn’t strong enough in viewership to open the season with that. If you’re a new viewer to FNL and haven’t watched any episodes from the first season, you won’t understand the dramatic leaps in character from Buddy Garrity and especially in Landry Clarke. And the deterioration of those aforementioned great relationships will have zero effect on your emotions. And the characters that should now be bringing levity to the show, namely Smash and Riggins, aren’t getting enough screentime. Oh, and there still hasn’t been a game this season. The show isn’t all about football but if you want to showcase the aspect of your show that requires no real previous knowledge about the characters, the football would be the card to play. The lack of levity and football makes me upset as fan of the show so I can imagine that if you’re giving Friday Night Lights a first shot and you’ve watched the entire first two episodes without changing the channel, then you have far more perseverance and faith in this show than I’d expect from an non-fan. Or maybe you just don’t have anything else to do on a Friday night. Although, in that case, the new season of FNL is probably just adding sadness to your life.

This season needs to break the habit. It needs to find hope and strength. You want to keep the Landry-Trya drama? Fine. You want to keep Buddy Garrity a depressed wreck? If you have to. You want Matt and Julie to find new relationships? I’m not crazy about it but let’s give it a shot. But you can’t keep Eric and Tami apart. It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It’s not being played well (Tami is seriously and understandably depressed and Eric isn’t exactly living his dream down at TMU) and it’s hurting the show.

I’m still a fan and I want this show to succeed but the showrunners need to get a better sense of their show’s reception or pretty soon, their won’t be a show to receive.

Two of the Year’s Best Films

While this hasn’t been my best week ever (that happens when you’re a moron and end up putting Diesel fuel in your gas tank because you thought that it was Regular because it was on the far left side where the Regular fuel tends to be on most gas pumps I mean WHAT THE FUCK, SHELL?), but it has been an amazing week film-wise. On Tuesday I saw American Gangster and yesterday I saw The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I’ll have reviews of these up on the site later but I know American Gangster will be landing in my top ten list, possibly at the #1 spot. As for The Assassination, I’m still chewing that one over because there’s one ten minute scene I find distracting and it hurts the momentum of the film. I’m not sure yet how much it counts against the movie because the other 2 hours and thirty minutes of the run time are amazing.

I Am Better Poster

Usually I don’t post about posters unless I think there’s anything worth saying about them or they’re totally ripe for mockery. But the new poster for the upcoming Will Smith blockbuster I Am Legend so drastically improves over the original that I had to note the jump in quality.

Here’s the original:I would have to disagree with that tagline. The last man is not alone but rather, accompanied by gigantic fucking letters. The poster also brings cruel reminders of posters for another film…

But below is the new poster and it’s great. It has the same tagline, but it’s not taking up the entire page. Also, Smith carries a gun instead of a bag and now has the company of a dog. Smith + gun + dog – bag = better poster. That’s science. But over all, it just conveys a great sense of isolation and the broken world he inhabits. I also like the nice touch of adding his radio transmition but to read it, you actually have to read the poster rather than just glance at it and go “Hey, Will Smith! With a gun and a dog!” because that will definitely sell tickets but that’s what makes the transmition a nice touch rather than trying to overwhelm the entire one-sheet.

Can you imagine if I gave this amount of attention to real art rather than movie marketing? I would come off as WAY more more mature! Anyway, here’s the new, better poster for I Am Legend and you can click it to view a larger version.

KING OF THE JUICE

Best Way to Bad News

In the event of the apocalypse, I would like the story reported on by ridiculously attractive French news anchor Melissa Theuriau. She could tell me that all life as we know was about to die horribly and I could handle it because she’s so hot. And I really think there’s an industry for all bad news. If someone was going to tell you that you only had a year to live, who would you rather hear it from: ugly boring doctor or painfully hot woman (or hot guy, tranny, whatever floats your boat)? I’d go with hot woman. And since most strippers are at least marginally attractive (it does seem to be one of the few pre-requisites for the job), why not take them out of stripping, put them in the hot nurse’s outfit, and have them deliver the bad news?

And it doesn’t have to be just strippers. Porn stars and hot actresses who haven’t made it yet, and really any good-looking woman can apply for the job. And while bedside manner and ability to explain the finer points of the bad news would clearly not be universal, the hot ladies with these skills would theoretically get more work and get more money. While there are concerns about confidentiality, I would gladly waive my right to privacy if a woman as fine-looking as Melissa Teuriau was going to be the one to tell me that the flesh-eating bacteria was gonna finish me off in a few hours. She could even tell me through glass. No hug necessary.

Good News, Everyone!

As you may or may not, one of the greatest TV shows of all time, Futurama, is coming back and it’s making its return debut with a movie: Bender’s Big Score. As a trailer, it’s poorly put together, but the opening gives me hope. Besides, when you have 72 episodes of genius, you’ve earned the benefit of the doubt. Judge for yourself:

Hop back on the Planet Express on November 27th.

I Don’t Know How To Dress Myself

You would think that after 23 years on this planet, I would have some kind of fashion sense. But you’d be wrong because as my childhood friends can attest, I’ve dressed about the same way since third grade. The t-shirts may have gotten a bit more pop-culture sensative and the clothes may have gotten way bigger than what would actually fit a healthy man of my height, but the song pretty much stays the same: t-shirts and jeans.

And the sad thing is, I don’t know where to draw the line. I love stuff that references my childhood. While a simple striped shirt with slimming lines and matching colors may be fashionable appropriate, I get far more positive comments about my Back to the Future t-shirt or my Batman/Law & Order shirt (although mine is blue). Just today, I got comments on my Ice Cream Man/Ex-Con shirt and that thing has always been a hit, ever since I got it at least eight years ago (did you think I was exaggerating when I said I don’t change how I dress?). But then I look at something like this and I have to stop and think: is this too far? I loved Doug when I was a kid and I can still recall the characters and situations with frightening alacrity. But how far back am I willing to go? If I see a Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers shirt, am I gonna have to get that? What about a hat for Follow That Bird! (I probably won’t go that far; I’m not a “hat-person”)?

I also love quirky items of clothing that I know a lot of people aren’t wearing, not because they’re necessarily stupid, but because they weren’t aware of its existence. Part of me really wants to buy this tie but will it win over anyone? Sure, I find it appealing, but does that mean I can ever wear it with my Nintendo: Tech Support shirt? I think that outfit speaks for itself: “I love Nintendo waaaaay more than possibly ever having sex again!”

But I guess it all comes down to honoring myself (because a guy who owns brilliant t-shirts but can’t fit into them is all about the self-respect) and my sense of what I find comfortable, cool, and stylish. It’s impossible to keep up with trends and trying to do so just conveys a lack of personal identity. And while I may never have the most fashionable clothes, I’ve rarely felt regret over any of my purchases. So I say yes to the 8-bit tie and no to the Doug shirt simply because I feel that when it comes to Doug shirts, it can be better than a subtle reference to the The Beets. I can only hope that when it all comes together, I convey my own personality and not drip with douchebaggery like the guy in the above picture (I know he’s just modeling but if you’re wearing a tie that great, the least you can do is smile!).

Reviews: Now With Intrigue!

I’ve decided to add a little taste of the reviews by putting the number score next to the title of the film. You’ll be wondering: why did it get this score? I must read and find out! But after you finish thinking that, you’ll realize you have better things to do with your time and click to find out what’s up with some starlet’s vagina.

Across the Universe (2.5 out of 10)
Dan in Real Life (7.8 out of 10)
Eastern Promises (8.6 out of 10)
Elizabeth: The Golden Age (6.5 out of 10)
Gone Baby Gone (9.5 out of 10)
The Heartbreak Kid (1.7 out of 10)
Into the Wild (9.6 out of 10)
Lust, Caution (8.9 out of 10)
Michael Clayton (8.8 out of 10)
Mr. Woodcock (2.7 out of 10)
Rendition (5.4 out of 10)
We Own the Night (4.5 out of 10)

No Glove, No Love

So Nintendo is apparently gonna drop $17 million so Wii owners can strap a protective glove over their Wii-mote and prevent possible throws or slippage. Okay, with the Wii-strap, I got it. They issued it, it wasn’t strong enough, they gave out a better one. I get it. But this is like issuing helmets to stupid children.