GoldbergBlog

Hot Israeli Women Soldiers > Killed By Terrorists

As a Jew, I am entitled to partake in the Taglit-Birthright trip to Israel. Even though I have friends who have gone on the trip, sing its praises, and remind me that since it is my birthright, the trip is all paid for (although I apparently may have to buy the occasional snack or souvenir; cheap Jews…), I did not find the trip appealing because getting murdered by Palestinian terrorists was not my idea of the ideal vacation, and for me, it is most definitely a vacation because as a non-practicing Jew, I have little desire to experience any kind of spiritual fulfillment-by-proximity. My spirit is filled by the words “Free Trip to Israel”. But my spirit is then crushed when I think, “You’re gonna get blown up in a cafe and you don’t even drink coffee; you just went in to look at the muffins; what a way to go,” And while my friends assured me that the trip was perfectly safe and the group was always escorted by a soldier, I still felt that the risks (however exaggerated in my own mind they may be) outweighed the benefits.

But then I remembered two very important things: 1) All Israeli women must serve in the Israeli army for two years after they turn eighteen; 2) Some Israeli women are incredibly smashable. And if you take a hot woman who fears that she may die in combat (however slim that possibility may be) and you present to her a young, virile, American male she can “hit it and quit it,” so to speak, then my chances for sex skyrocket from 0% to 5%. And as a man at 0%, I can’t sexually afford to ignore those incredibly slim odds.

Sure, I can visit the Wailing Wall and take in a culture that is both familiar and exotic, but more importantly, I will have the opportunity to have sex with a woman that knows how to kill me quickly and efficiently using only her bare hands. L’chaim!

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