GoldbergBlog

Hail to The Chief

Apparently some big-deal videogame comes out tomorrow. Involves some dude in armor saving the planet from aliens, I think. People are really psyched. Could it be we’re finally getting a new Total Recall game? That would be sweet! No? Halo 3? That’s a big deal?

YES.

My level of self-loathing for not owning an XBOX360 in on par with running over a baby. Twice. Personally, I blame the rampant consumer culture in which we live instead of any personal shortcomings I have as a human being. Damn you consumer culture!

But how can you argue with this advertising campaign? Forget Abraham Lincoln. Forget General Patton. Forget John Connor. Master Chief wins wars. His armor recharges itself! He has no discernible face! It could be anyone under there! People will play through Halo 3 on Legendary in hopes of getting a secret ending where The Chief removes his helmet and reveals…some guy! It would be great if it was some girl, but you really only get to use that trick once.

So tonight, I’ll be at Best Buy at midnight even though I don’t own an XBOX360, just to watch the Halo festivities and see if the kids in line with their parents are so easy with the “nigger” and the “faggot” and the “niggerfaggot” when they’re not in the safety of their own bedroom, far from the fists everyone that’s bigger than them. Then I’ll return home and softly cry myself to sleep.

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