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Speaker Pelosi: Still Worthless

I went off on Speaker Pelosi a few months back and her recent interview with Wolf “Beardy” Blitzer does nothing to convince me that I was anything but totally on target. That does not give me comfort. I’d rather be completely wrong about her but I’m not. And what’s apparent from the interview isn’t only that she’s spineless; she’s fucking incompetent. She’s adhered to the “let them dig their own grave strategy,” But they’re in the grave, Nancy. Now you’re just jumping in there with them as you show how fucking useless the Democrats are. If anything, you make the Democrats appear worse by refusing to offer any kind of real leadership. You’ve essentially given the American people two choices: either have really shitty, stubborn, unyielding leadership or no leadership at all. Thanks.

So let’s break down the interview: What did she do about the war? She didn’t stop it. She didn’t even keep it from escalating. No, she “changed the debate.” Except she didn’t. We were already having the debate. That’s why the Democrats won congress in the midterm elections. Oh, and it’s the Senate’s fault why the Democrats didn’t keep pushing to stop the war after the President vetoed the House’s bill. Way to take responsibility there, Nance.

Well why not use the “Power of the Purse” and stop funding the war? Well it turns out that the Speaker doesn’t really have that much power and even if she did, the Republicans could still bring up a bill to provide funding. How ever would the DEMOCRATIC MAJORITY defeat such a bill? And hey, they’ve still provided time-lines and boundaries (even though such restrictions have absolutely no enforcement and can be ignored by the White House)! And don’t forget: there was really a turning point last week. There was the Webb Amendment. That couldn’t get past the 60-vote mark, but hey, they put it out there. Let’s give her a gold star!

She really believes that by being thwarted by the Republican minority that she’s somehow showcasing their ineptitude. But she’s the fucking enabler! At what point do the Democrats stop trying to make the Republicans look bad and try to make themselves look good? When does that happen? And what’s most sickening is that this ploy to score political points comes at the cost of American lives, American money, and American security.

And that’s what it comes down to for Nancy Pelosi and her cohorts: crippling America to hurt the Republicans. She wants to hold this administration responsible but that’s not her job. That’s the media’s job and while they may do it poorly, it’s not the job of the Democrats to try and tattle to the teacher, especially when the teacher clearly doesn’t give a shit. And if “accountability” is synonymous with punishment, then she has failed completely because at no point in the last nine months has this administration been punished for its trespasses.

With Speaker Pelosi at the helm, they never will be. While I admit that impeachment is a sticky issue, the fact that it’s “off the table” means that she’s not only given this administration Carte Blanche to continue conducting its underhanded business but she’s setting a dangerous precedent by allowing them to get away with it. What happens when future Presidents cite the Bush White House and claim “Well they got to do it!” Do you hold those Presidents “accountable” as well, Nancy?

“This is President Bush’s war; it’s Vice President Cheney’s war, and now it’s become the war of the Republicans in Congress.” are Pelosi’s last words of the interview’s first part (I shudder to think what she’ll say in part two). I can only respond with a quote from Star Wars (I’m sure Shakespeare probably says it better but I haven’t seen all his plays multiple times): “Who is more foolish: the fool or the fool who follows?”

Hail to The Chief

Apparently some big-deal videogame comes out tomorrow. Involves some dude in armor saving the planet from aliens, I think. People are really psyched. Could it be we’re finally getting a new Total Recall game? That would be sweet! No? Halo 3? That’s a big deal?

YES.

My level of self-loathing for not owning an XBOX360 in on par with running over a baby. Twice. Personally, I blame the rampant consumer culture in which we live instead of any personal shortcomings I have as a human being. Damn you consumer culture!

But how can you argue with this advertising campaign? Forget Abraham Lincoln. Forget General Patton. Forget John Connor. Master Chief wins wars. His armor recharges itself! He has no discernible face! It could be anyone under there! People will play through Halo 3 on Legendary in hopes of getting a secret ending where The Chief removes his helmet and reveals…some guy! It would be great if it was some girl, but you really only get to use that trick once.

So tonight, I’ll be at Best Buy at midnight even though I don’t own an XBOX360, just to watch the Halo festivities and see if the kids in line with their parents are so easy with the “nigger” and the “faggot” and the “niggerfaggot” when they’re not in the safety of their own bedroom, far from the fists everyone that’s bigger than them. Then I’ll return home and softly cry myself to sleep.

Special Comment: Hypocrisy and Crossing The Line

Olbermann’s latest searing Special Comment on the hypocrisy and tactlessness of our national shame of a President:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Srzg9aJttjQ]

Kingdom Broken Hearts

I’ve been keeping abreast (tee hee! breasts!) of this year’s Tokyo Game Show because, well, the alternative would be launching into apoplectic rage over shit like this.

Square-Enix announced that they would be launching not one, not two, but three spinoffs from the Kingdom Hearts series. I think Kingdom Hearts is pretty great and while among friends the sequel isn’t as popular as the original, I think they’re both pretty great. Heck, I even bought Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories because I was so hard up for some more of the KH world. The GBA title turned out to be crap and not long after beating the game (both Sora and Riku’s stories), it found it’s way into a cabinet only to be removed as I sold it off to Gamestop.

Unfortunately, Square-Enix thought they must have struck gold with that game because everything they’re launching that’s KH-related is portable and has the worst-sounding titles. First up there’s Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days. Apparently, calling it 179 Days just sounded gay. Released for the DS, the story is supposed to follow Roxas during the same time that Sora was card-battling his way through Chain of Memories. It’s an Action-RPG and I don’t care. Nothing against Roxas, but were fans really that desperate to know what Roxas was up to?

Apparently not as desperate as they were for Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep (Who the shit is naming these games?!) which follows the three keyblade warriors from the secret ending of KH2 and this story takes place before the first Kingdom Hearts. If the characters go into the world of Song of the South, I will recant all criticism always and forever.

The last game and the only one with an even somewhat acceptable title is Kingdom Hearts: Coded. Unfortunately, it’s only for mobile phones and it focuses on King Mickey using a virtual Sora to move blocks. Thank Christ, my life is now complete.

Apparently Square-Enix really does think that the Kingdom Hearts franchise is their new Final Fantasy in that if they slap the title on it, people will buy it, regardless of how shitty or unnecessary it is. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the combining of a Square aesthetic with the Disney world while utilizing a solid gameplay system what made the original games worthwhile? Instead of dicking around with three worthless spinoffs, why not just make Kingdom Hearts 3 for the PlayStation 3? What, are you worried you’re not going to be sell the game in the crowded PS3 marketplace?

But then again, this is from a company that can’t seem to understand that they could remake Final Fantasy VII every year for a different console and sell a billion copies each time.

BRAWL Lands The Finishing Blow

Super Smash Bros. Brawl has been looking great. From the moment the announced Solid Snake as a contender in the fight, it’s clear that Nintendo was seriously going to raise the stakes from the already popular Super Smash Bros. Melee. Then they announced four different control schemes, so you would have less excuses for sucking so hard. But there was always one component that fans were clamoring for and today, they finally got the confirmation that they were gonna get it.

Online play.

Smash Bros has a solid single player game but it’s always been richer as a multi-player experience. Now, Nintendo has added this crucial element. I’m betting that had they not included this element, the uproar would have been tremendous. While you still have to deal with the worthlessness of Friend Codes and there’s still the need for the painfully absent voice communication, you do have the ability to program your taunt, as seen below.


Of course, I imagine it will look more like this in an actual game:

(I play as Donkey Kong.)

The Few Good Minutes

Last night’s Emmy Awards were endless. If you sat through them, you’re more messed up than me. Congrats. You’ve also seen these four clips, but for everyone else, enjoy:

Steve Carell Best Actor at the Emmys
Uploaded by nono_the_bean
Best Clip
Uploaded by GMMR
Emmys 07 - Best Writing for a Comedy Program
Uploaded by nono_the_bean
Rainn Wilson & Kanye West at the Emmys
Uploaded by nono_the_bean

The Emmys: Boy Do They Suck

Aside from maybe a humorous moment or two (I’ll be looking online for the video of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert giving the Best Comedic Actor award to Steve Carell since Ricky Gervais wasn’t there to accept), the Emmy Awards were the inevitable kick to the groin after the nominations’ sand to the eyes.

The only win I can be truly happy about is Terry O’Quinn winning Best Supporting Actor for LOST. If he couldn’t win it for the episode where we found out how he got in the wheelchair, I doubt the writers could give him anything juicier that the Emmy voters and their barely-functional brains could appreciate. And while there are even wins that don’t necessarily upset me, they still sting because it’s less deserving over more deserving. Jamie Pressley is good, but she doesn’t have a moment that matches Jenna Fischer’s facial expression at the end of the THE OFFICE’s third season finale.

There are other minor upsets like these, not to mention the major upsets (if they hate Hugh Laurie so much, why not just punch him in the face instead of teasing him with the possibility that they may recognize an iconic character?) but does it matter? This is the Emmys. These are people who simply don’t know how to award good television. They know how to award popular television but since they’ve been around longer than The People’s Choice Awards, they’ve somehow got more clout. I would say that there needs to be a more official board that watches whole seasons of television and makes well-informed decisions, but that exists, and they’re also mostly wrong (in case you were wondering, HEROES was voted program of the year). It seems like the only group that gets it right are the Peabody Awards. So when do they get their hot shit awards show? Never? Okay. See ya at the Golden Globes!

Democrats: Stand Up Or Get Out

This is it, Dems. You’ve had since the beginning of the year to do the one thing the American populace that put you in power clearly wanted: end the war. You haven’t done it. You caved in May. You caved last month when you allowed Bush to fuck the FISA provisions. You cave once more and there won’t be a fourth time. Why should we keep you in power if all you do is show us that you’re powerless? You can bitch and whine all you want about how you don’t have the sixty votes you need in the Senate but you could continue to stall, continue to make the President look bad, could make an effort to define yourself rather than get spun by the right-wing spin machine. But you cave. You stand down every time it counts.

Well this is it. The last strike you have. Either get a hit or go home. Some Democrats may laugh at this ultimatum. “Who else are you gonna vote for? We’re the best you have!” I can always vote for a third party or, although I hate to do it, I could not vote at all. I absolutely hate doing that but I shouldn’t have to pick between the lesser of two evils. All you’re doing is showing the failings of a two-party system so why should I acknowledge you as a legitimate power when all you do is play Republican lite? If a Republican gets your seat, that definitely sucks, but at least you don’t get it the seat at all, and I take comfort in that. And maybe, just maybe, if you lose enough and often enough, you’ll get it through your thick fucking skulls that you will always lose chasing the middle. I feel for the moderates, but they’re not winning either when conservative politics continues to get its way. They have a better chance having their interests represented with two sides representing extremes and forced to come together and compromise.

But right now, America needs you to stand up. The majority of Americans oppose this war and favor a withdrawl. Bush’s new plan is not a withdrawl but him presenting an inevitability as if it were progress. Even if he wanted to sustain the surge till next summer, he couldn’t. The military can’t sustain that level of troops for that amount of time. We’ve made no progress in Iraq. He’s just buying time because if he can make it to Summer 2008, then it’s really not his problem anymore. It’s the problem of his successor and when that successor is forced to finally pull out of Iraq (and I don’t care if it’s a Democrat or a Republican; we’re leaving and it’s only a matter of “When,”) and he can avoid taking the blame for this massive clusterfuck he and his administration created.

This is it, Dems. This is your last chance.

Boo-Hoo, Bill Donahue

There’s a fantastic seen in the underrated gem of a film, The Ref, where Kevin Spacey’s character finally stands up for himself and stands up to his bitch of a mother and tells her, “You know what I’m going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.”

Bill Donahue needs a big wooden cross.

Last weekend, comedienne Kathy Griffin made a “controversial” award acceptance speech when she made the following joke, “A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now!” I’m not a big Kathy Griffin fan (in that I find her nasal delivery and stale jokes not really to my taste) but this got a chuckle from me.

Well along comes Bill Donahue of The Catholic League and he’s pissed. Apparently there weren’t any starving children to feed or charity to be done and he turned his wrath towards Griffin and comparing her comment to Imus’ “nappy-headed hos” debacle and Michael Richards n-word outrage. He went on to say that if she had directed her comments towards Jews or Hilary Clinton, she’d be in hot water, but because it’s Christians, no one cares. When the host asks Donahue if her comments are as bad as racism, he says it’s worse because it hurts “believers,”.

Sometimes I avoid posts like this because Donahue’s douchebaggery should be obvious to anyone with an even partially-functional brain. To begin, Christians haven’t been persecuted for about 1500 years. Yes, they had violence among themselves during the Protestant Reformation and the Spanish Inquisition, but unless they were going to a foreign culture and actively trying to introduce their religion only to be met with opposition (off the top of my head, I’m thinking of 19th century Japan), Christians have been the majority. Guess what, Bill. Majorities can’t be persecuted. That’s what’s awesome about being the majority.

Second, as the counter-point guest mentions, Griffin wasn’t bashing Catholics but bashing Jesus because he didn’t help her win the award. Jesus was actively campaigning for Antiques Roadshow.

On the one hand, I don’t doubt that Donahue is a true believer and is truly offended. On the other hand, he clearly has a need for attention and since there are slightly bigger issues concerning our country than “Are Catholics Feeling Okay?”, he needs to capitalize on this offense, the main-stream media needs to fill air-time, and I was bored and wanted to do a blog post. Win-win-win.

I’ve Been Bamboozled!

Last week, I posted about a website I thought couldn’t be real. It was just too offensive and no, it wasn’t Goatse or Tubgirl (DO NOT LOOK THOSE UP). I turns out I should have trusted my instincts because the website was a hoax. You got me good, John Ordover. Now the only questions is how I’m going to pay off a $30,000 loan I took out to purchase Cindy Q.