GoldbergBlog

Tonight, television’s best show (yes, BEST show; better than Battlestar Galactica, better than Lost, better than everything else out there) returns for its sixth season. In honor of this momentous occasion (it’s been a little over a year since the finale of season five; thanks for nothing, Dirt), I have compiled what I believe to be the five most shocking moments in a show that is constantly surprising. Such a distinction may seem rather banal, but no other show on television can make me shout out “DAMN.” on a constant basis. After five years, where such twists should be the norm, it speaks to the show’s greatness that it still can elicit such emotions.

Of course, if you haven’t watched all of The Shield, then you probably shouldn’t read ahead due to MAJOR SPOILERS:

5. Finding The Bodies: Episode 3×07 - “Safe”

The Shield could make a name for itself on the strength of its intros alone. The show gets you so wrapped up in the plot that when the opening theme hits, and you hear the words, “Just another day!” then turning off the episode just isn’t an option. But in its five years of openers, I don’t think the show has done better than an opening which showcases not only how The Shield continues to shock its viewers, but also the show’s black comedy.

After a Narco Corrido song tells of the death of a girl by a bridge, Vic goes with a body-sniffing dog to see if the lyrics are true. And they are. The dog’s handler plants a flag to denote the position of the buried corpse. Just as Vic is about to call in the body, the dog barks again. Another body. and then the dog barks again: another body. The dog barks again, and there’s another body. The dog’s handler turns to Vic and says “I’m going to need more flags.” And right on cue: JUST ANOTHER DAY!!!

4. Anthony Anderson Can Act: Seasons 4 & 5

I’m as surprised as anyone. The star of such cinematic brilliance as Kangaroo Jack and Agent Cody Banks 2 came on the show in its fourth season to play the villainous leaders of the One-Niners, Antwon Mitchell. He is absolutely terrifying and cold-blooded but like all characters on the show, completely believable. Most fans will probably give him credit for his great line of “When I tell you to suck my dick, you say, ‘you want me to lick your balls, daddy?’” but I think Anderson’s Emmy-clip is when he’s being interrogated by Captain Rawling and she recites the tale of his childhood.

3. Dutch Kills A Cat: Episode 3×11 - “Strays”

While it’s a bit of a disservice to call him the show’s most harmless character (especially the way he’s torn down suspects in the interrogation room), Detective Dutch Wagenbach is, on the surface, the show’s least threatening personality. He’s not hardened like Claudette, dirty like the Strike Team, or motivated by ambition like Aceveda. He’s the anti-Mackey except both are frighteningly intelligent. Yet there’s always that underlying nerdiness and lack of confidence that makes Dutch such a non-hit with the ladies yet endearing to viewers at home who will never have to reject his attempts to ask us on a date.

But there’s another piece to the character of Dutch and it’s his desire to learn and become a better detective. And when he finally sits down and talks with the Cuddler-Rapist (yet another in the show’s long line of disturbingly real criminals), a story about “seeing the face of God” in a strangled pet leads Dutch to look into the eyes of a stray cat while he chokes the life out of it. He doesn’t do it because he’s evil or because he hates cats. It’s because it’s an experiment; to become a better detective. These facts are of absolutely no comfort as Dutch kills the animal. Eat it, PETA.

2. Shane Murders Lem: Episode 5×11 - “Postpartum”

It was the absolutely heart-breaking conclusion to the roller-coaster of the show’s fifth season. Curtis “Lemonhead” Lemansky, the only member of the Strike Team with a strong conscience, was about to flee the country in to Mexico or try and turn himself in while still protecting the rest of the Strike Team. Unfortunately, we’ll never know what he would have decided because Shane found him first and decided, in the absolute weakness that makes the character such a miserable wretch, murdered his friend…with a grenade. Oh, and the greater irony? Lem wouldn’t have been arrested if he hadn’t been involved with a plot to save Shane in season four. Aside from watching a good guy like Lem get murdered by a man who he thought was his friend, the scene is made even more painful when Lem dies slowly and Shane, weeping and whining, apologizes for his action. And the final straw: you always knew Shane would be capable of such a horrific act.

1. Vic Murders Terry: Episode 1×01 - “Pilot”

This is the show’s “original sin”. This is where we learned that our charismatic, ass-kicking protagonist was a cop-killer, and a brutal one at that. It was completely unexpected and as creator Shawn Ryan said of the episode, “at that moment, we wanted you to hate Vic.” Yet five seasons later, and it appears that fans absolutely loathed the character of Kavanaugh even though he was a brilliant “anti-villain” and Forest Whitaker was absolutely robbed of an Emmy for his unforgettable portrayal of the scheming Internal Affairs lieutenant. That’s probably what’s most unsettling about the show: while a twist or turn may shock you, it’s an even greater credit to the show’s cast and crew that we cheer on such morally ambiguous characters.

The show’s first promotional tagline was “The Road to Justice Is Twisted”. It’s been a blast to walk that road for the past five seasons and the trek continues tonight at 10 PM on FX.

Tags: brilliant, television //