GoldbergBlog

Death Toll in Iraq Passes 100 for April

The Republicans keep asking that we give the surge time to work, but others are giving a lot more than time. This goes without mentioning the countless number of Iraqis killed during this month. So how many more deaths will it require for President Bush and his fucktard administration to realize that they lost this war? How many soldiers and how many civilians will have to die simply because of one cabal’s arrogance? Losing this battle will be a great victory for terrorists, but to continue fighting and dying in this impossible struggle only sweetens the spoils of war for them. Let’s leave, let them smile, and then let’s find a new and better way to fuck them up. Let’s stop giving the terrorists what they want simply because we’re too scared, too arrogant, and too foolhardy to keep allowing the deaths of good people.

This Kid Is Cooler Than Me

Not that being cooler than me is a difficult task, but he’s cooler than most life. See how he destroys this song on Guitar Hero II on Expert. Meanwhile, I’ll keep trying to beat “Shout at the Devil” on Hard on my PlayStation 2.

The Sweet Taste of Disgusting Scandal

This is not news.

It’s not! It’s just not. It’s tawdry. It’s salacious. It’s going to hurt a lot of families, but it’s a distraction, and I should fucking know because the word “distraction” is in the title of my website.

Didn’t we all get just fucking tired of the Monica Lewinsky scandal? Sure, it was ultimately unimportant and in reality just a tool for the Republicans to finish their inquisition against Bill Clinton (because when you can’t beat ‘em on the issues…) and even Americans got tired of it as every pundit, comedian, and dickhead with a microphone put in their two cents and found that they overpaid.

And here we are again and if liberals are ever to claim a higher ground, we have to really be above this shit. We can’t bitch and moan when the nation gets distracted from important matters because it’s “our” guy that’s getting crucified by the other team. There’s no real justice to be found in this story all I can do is send this open letter to the biggest and best liberal blog I know, CrooksAndLiars.com, and hope that they’ll share and ask others to share in my plea that we don’t take our eye off the ball, the ball that says War in Iraq because while the “Gonzales-clusterfuck” and “Election ‘08″ balls are also important, lives hang in the balance with the War in Iraq and we have to resist the temptation to take the cheap shot now that the shoe is on the other foot. Bloggers choose which stories to carry and sometimes which stories to kill. You know which ones need attention and which one has to go.

If I Had Money…Part 1 of MANY

I find all sorts of cool stuff on the Interwebs. For instance, yesterday, I discovered a great charity auction on Kotaku which would not only give money to support the cause of safe teen dating, but would give me the coolest hat known to man. And I’m not even a “hat-person”. Unfortunately, I do not have $160.00, which I believe is what it would take to outbid the current high bidder.

But in my searches today, I found yet another must-buy bit of apparel. Actually, I found several.

First, 80sTees has a great selection of Oregon Trail shirts. My favorite (and it’s tough to choose), is this one:

Of course, I’m also a huge Nintendo fan and this shirt appeals to me:

And with a shirt like this, giant blocks with question marks would be just about the only thing I’d be hitting. However, the blocks do dispense money and vegetables and flowers, so they have their advantages.

Finally, while these two outfits do not appeal to me, if your sex life has gone stale and you like-a the Nintendo, you may want to invest in these:

The stuff I want costs $200, plus taxes, shipping, and handling. The costumes you want for your sexy-time cost $100 and a little bit of dignity.

The Adorable Spider-Man!

Yes, the school play music video has been done before (and done incredibly well), but Snow Patrol’s new video for the song “Signal Fire” off the Spidey 3 soundtrack shows that if you put your kid in a school where they perform the first two Spider-Man films, you chose wisely. Max Fisher would be proud.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAI8_lp8CRc]

"I’m Pretty Good With A Bo/Staff"

Isn’t this essentially just baton twirling but for dudes?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDFIaV0OqF0]

Who Do We Blame For Cheap Political Points?

In the wake of yesterday’s tragic massacre at Virginia Tech, the vultures have already begun circling. Like flies to shit, people with their own agenda will find a way to twist a tragedy in order to further their own beliefs. Of course the gold medal goes to Jerry Falwell who blamed 9/11 on pagans, feminists, the ACLU, and pretty much anyone else he didn’t like. But anti-videogame advocate Jack Thompson and “straight-talker” Dr. Phil are running to a close second after blaming the shootings on violent videogames.

When Thompson went on FoxNews, he postulated that when investigators found out who was responsible (remember, he made this comment less than six hours after the second shooting), they would find violent videogames. Of course, I postulate that whenever there’s an opportunity to exploit a tragedy and get his name out there, you will find Jack Thompson. He’s an utter shit without class and anyone who’s had the misfortune of following his exploits knows this already.

More surprising (or less, depending on how you look at it) is Dr. Phil chiming in on Larry King Live last night, saying that when you mix videogames and crazy, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Let me just clarify that in times like these, where the insanity of the situation is so overwhelming, it’s understandable to attempt to make sense of the horror in order to better cope. Let me also say that videogamers don’t need anyone rushing to their defense. They enjoy a hobby that rakes in billions of dollars and no one, not Jack Thompson, not Dr. Phil, not anyone, is going to take that away from them.

Comments like those made by Thompson and Phil are not only in poor taste, they’re ill-informed. We don’t even know the name of this kid. We don’t know his motives, his history, his life, or even if he was the only one involved. Times such at these are times for solace, mourning, and reflection. They are not times for douche-nozzles such as these to broadcast their ignorance.

THE SHIELD’s Five Most Shocking Moments

Tonight, television’s best show (yes, BEST show; better than Battlestar Galactica, better than Lost, better than everything else out there) returns for its sixth season. In honor of this momentous occasion (it’s been a little over a year since the finale of season five; thanks for nothing, Dirt), I have compiled what I believe to be the five most shocking moments in a show that is constantly surprising. Such a distinction may seem rather banal, but no other show on television can make me shout out “DAMN.” on a constant basis. After five years, where such twists should be the norm, it speaks to the show’s greatness that it still can elicit such emotions.

Of course, if you haven’t watched all of The Shield, then you probably shouldn’t read ahead due to MAJOR SPOILERS:

5. Finding The Bodies: Episode 3×07 - “Safe”

The Shield could make a name for itself on the strength of its intros alone. The show gets you so wrapped up in the plot that when the opening theme hits, and you hear the words, “Just another day!” then turning off the episode just isn’t an option. But in its five years of openers, I don’t think the show has done better than an opening which showcases not only how The Shield continues to shock its viewers, but also the show’s black comedy.

After a Narco Corrido song tells of the death of a girl by a bridge, Vic goes with a body-sniffing dog to see if the lyrics are true. And they are. The dog’s handler plants a flag to denote the position of the buried corpse. Just as Vic is about to call in the body, the dog barks again. Another body. and then the dog barks again: another body. The dog barks again, and there’s another body. The dog’s handler turns to Vic and says “I’m going to need more flags.” And right on cue: JUST ANOTHER DAY!!!

4. Anthony Anderson Can Act: Seasons 4 & 5

I’m as surprised as anyone. The star of such cinematic brilliance as Kangaroo Jack and Agent Cody Banks 2 came on the show in its fourth season to play the villainous leaders of the One-Niners, Antwon Mitchell. He is absolutely terrifying and cold-blooded but like all characters on the show, completely believable. Most fans will probably give him credit for his great line of “When I tell you to suck my dick, you say, ‘you want me to lick your balls, daddy?’” but I think Anderson’s Emmy-clip is when he’s being interrogated by Captain Rawling and she recites the tale of his childhood.

3. Dutch Kills A Cat: Episode 3×11 - “Strays”

While it’s a bit of a disservice to call him the show’s most harmless character (especially the way he’s torn down suspects in the interrogation room), Detective Dutch Wagenbach is, on the surface, the show’s least threatening personality. He’s not hardened like Claudette, dirty like the Strike Team, or motivated by ambition like Aceveda. He’s the anti-Mackey except both are frighteningly intelligent. Yet there’s always that underlying nerdiness and lack of confidence that makes Dutch such a non-hit with the ladies yet endearing to viewers at home who will never have to reject his attempts to ask us on a date.

But there’s another piece to the character of Dutch and it’s his desire to learn and become a better detective. And when he finally sits down and talks with the Cuddler-Rapist (yet another in the show’s long line of disturbingly real criminals), a story about “seeing the face of God” in a strangled pet leads Dutch to look into the eyes of a stray cat while he chokes the life out of it. He doesn’t do it because he’s evil or because he hates cats. It’s because it’s an experiment; to become a better detective. These facts are of absolutely no comfort as Dutch kills the animal. Eat it, PETA.

2. Shane Murders Lem: Episode 5×11 - “Postpartum”

It was the absolutely heart-breaking conclusion to the roller-coaster of the show’s fifth season. Curtis “Lemonhead” Lemansky, the only member of the Strike Team with a strong conscience, was about to flee the country in to Mexico or try and turn himself in while still protecting the rest of the Strike Team. Unfortunately, we’ll never know what he would have decided because Shane found him first and decided, in the absolute weakness that makes the character such a miserable wretch, murdered his friend…with a grenade. Oh, and the greater irony? Lem wouldn’t have been arrested if he hadn’t been involved with a plot to save Shane in season four. Aside from watching a good guy like Lem get murdered by a man who he thought was his friend, the scene is made even more painful when Lem dies slowly and Shane, weeping and whining, apologizes for his action. And the final straw: you always knew Shane would be capable of such a horrific act.

1. Vic Murders Terry: Episode 1×01 - “Pilot”

This is the show’s “original sin”. This is where we learned that our charismatic, ass-kicking protagonist was a cop-killer, and a brutal one at that. It was completely unexpected and as creator Shawn Ryan said of the episode, “at that moment, we wanted you to hate Vic.” Yet five seasons later, and it appears that fans absolutely loathed the character of Kavanaugh even though he was a brilliant “anti-villain” and Forest Whitaker was absolutely robbed of an Emmy for his unforgettable portrayal of the scheming Internal Affairs lieutenant. That’s probably what’s most unsettling about the show: while a twist or turn may shock you, it’s an even greater credit to the show’s cast and crew that we cheer on such morally ambiguous characters.

The show’s first promotional tagline was “The Road to Justice Is Twisted”. It’s been a blast to walk that road for the past five seasons and the trek continues tonight at 10 PM on FX.

Reviews!

I watched some movies. Look!

Blades of Glory
The Hoax
Hot Fuzz
I Think I Love My Wife
The Lookout
Pride
Shooter