While I had this suspicion for a while, this recent segment on cloned beef cemented correspondent Rob Riggle as The Daily Show’s best post-Colbert-Cordry-Helms on-screen contributor. That’s not to diminish the work of the other players, but none of them has done anything close to as funny as this (video expires April 28th because Comedy Central is stupid):
Kratos, the anti-hero who slaughters most of Greek mythology, makes the Spartans of the popular film 300 look like pussies. Oh, the 300 have their moments, to be sure, but they don’t jump on giant eagles and hack off their wings in mid-flight. They don’t charge cylopses and pull out their eye (do it twenty times to unlock a bonus!). They don’t pick up wounded soldiers and throw them into giant gears because that next area isn’t going to unlock itself. No, Kratos is not a nice fellow, but he will get your bloodlust going.
Picking up right after the first God of War, Kratos has replaced Ares as well, the God of War. Unfortunately, he’s gone a tad overboard and is leading his Spartan people (seriously, with this and 300, I’m converting from Jew to Spartan. However, I probably will need to get my foreskin back…) and the Gods of Olympus decide that it’s time for Kratos to go. But even a sword to the gut from Zeus himself can’t stop our hero and it’s up to Kratos, with the help of the Titans, to find the Sisters of Fate and give all of Olympus a heafty dose of disembowlment.
At the end of the system’s lifespan, God of War II pushes the PlayStation 2 to its limits, calls it a bitch, and makes it go even further. The level of detail and graphical power of the game are simply astounding. But the graphics are more than just shiny pixels because the art design is so wonderously imaginative. Sure, Zeus looks a little cliched (white dude with a long white beard) but you won’t know what to expect when you come face-to-face with the Sisters of Fate or the Steeds of Time. The music and the score perfectly compliments the epic scale, with a full chorus, every brass instrument known to man, and sound effects that make every bone-crunch and snap all the sweeter.
But none of this works if the gameplay weren’t just as solid. Fans of the original God of War won’t be disappointed as Kratos will be employing all his old moves, plus a few new ones, like being able to move while firing arrows or turning your opponents into wack-a-moles with a giant hammer. However, there is one new addition that will have you dying more times than is really fair and that’s the Icarus Wings. Intended to give you the power to glide over large areas, the ability is poorly implimented and you’ll find yourself either not activating the wings when you need them or accidentally deactivating them when you’re over a giant pit of lava. Also, some of the puzzles go beyond the reasonable and will have you going online to figure out the answer, especially near the end of the game.
Still, God of War II is an absolute must-buy for any owner of the PlayStation 2 console. If you don’t like action-adventure games, get over it and buy this game. If you don’t like Greek Mythology, then you’re weird, should get over it, and buy this game. If you don’t like insane amounts of violence, I understand, I sympathize, but get over it, and buy this game.
Aside from the yellow menace of pollen which currently covers all of Georgia, there’s another sign that May is quickly approaching: Summer Movies! We may well be fatigued after May alone with two of the biggest, Spider-Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End coming out within weeks of each other (May 4th, and May 25th, respectively). And to herald this, here’s the trailers for each.
While the trailer features one-too-many swish-pans, it still gets me revved for the final installment and praying that the third part of the trilogy isn’t going to follow in the steps of Return of the Jedi or, Kraken-forbid, The Matrix Revolutions (and yes, this is what I pray for; other people got “Peace on Earth” covered)
It’s a good trailer, but it has a few too many spoilers so if you want to see your Spidey as fresh as a summer daisy which is currently killing my sinuses, then you may want to just keep counting down the days till the web-slinger is back in black.
I believe the Bush Administration has a new strategy when dealing with scandal: another scandal. If it wasn’t how badly the War in Iraq was going, it was “Scooter-If I Was Going To Real Prison I’d Have To Worry About My Nickname” Libby getting convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice. If it wasn’t Scooter, it was yet more evidence that when it comes to Supporting Our Troops, the Administration would only go as far as just saying it and then let them rehabilitate in fucking squalor at Walter Reed. If it wasn’t Walter Reed, it was discovering that the FBI abused the Patriot Act to obtain wiretaps without a warrant and invade people’s privacy. If it wasn’t the FBI, then it was Attorney General Alberto Gonzales other fuck-up, firing perfectly qualified U.S. Attorneys because they weren’t loyal enough to the party. I know George W. Bush talks to Jesus and right now he’s asking for another celebrity to drop dead under mysterious circumstances or at the very least, have a pop star get a crazy haircut. I wouldn’t put it past these guys to kill Tom Cruise and then have his body found with a dead male prostitute. That would at least buy them a few months of letting them do what they do best: ruining the country.
While the firing of the U.S. Attorneys is the hot scandal right now, I’m not sure where it’s leading. Can anyone be impeached for it? Would anyone resign in shame? I doubt it. It took the Democrats winning both houses of Congress to get Donald Rumsfeld to resign and he was King Fuck Up (I believe this was emblazoned on his coffee mug). But you have to love the poetic justice of this scandal because it hits to the heart of one of this administration’s chief attributes: arrogance.
Their response to this scandal hasn’t been one of cooperation, of accepting that they don’t run congress anymore and they don’t have power over the committees. No, their response has been a hearty “Fuck You.” First it was “these Attorneys serve at the pleasure of the President.” No one said they didn’t. Hell, he could fire every single person with a government salary, but that’s not the point. The point was he fired people who were good at their job because they weren’t pleasuring him enough. And why was he unfulfilled? Because despite being Republicans, they were believed in justice, regardless of party affiliation. And of course, with Katrina and Iraq and pretty much everything this administration does, it’s always Loyalty > Competence. And we’ve all seen how well that works out.
So after that whole “serving at the pleasure of the President” thing didn’t take and Congress approved the issuing of subpoenas, the line became that chief aides Karl Rove and Harriet Miers would happily talk to Congress…behind closed doors…not under oath…and without a transcript. And the Bush Administration has the arrogance to tell us that this is a “reasonable response”. Like we’re all too stupid to realize that Rove could just fart for two hours and then come out and tell the press that the Democrats called him a variety of ethnic slurs and then ate a Hispanic baby. Prove him wrong!
The closest they can even come to a half-way decent argument is to say that having such high-ranking officials testify under oath would jeopardize the advice given to the President. But if your advice is something you don’t want repeated for the record, then maybe you should rethink that advice. Would it be the greatest tragedy if people advising the Leader of the Free World (whatever the hell that means) had to think before they spoke?
What’s most upsetting about this scandal is that it’s really not a big surprise. The unethical behavior of this administration has no longer become a question of “what” or “how” or even “why.” It’s simply become a matter of “when.”
I’m about as timely as a FEMA. But trust me, this list is late because I’m lazy, not because I don’t care about black people.
http://wantondistraction.com/movies/reviews/top10of2006.html
How frequently does this question get asked?
Of course, the original answer was, “In our defense, your grandmother was being a twat.”
I’ve decided to add a new feature where I take the best video clip I’ve seen on the day and share it with you fine handful of readers who choose to read the site. Today, Art Imitates Life and Life Hilariously Disapproves.
Everyone’s a critic. The less well-known follow-up to that famous line is that “not everyone knows what they’re doing.”
I’ve been reviewing films since high school. And by reviewing, I don’t mean I saw movies and then told my friends what I thought about it afterwards. I mean I took the time to think about the film, write a review for the school paper, and make a coherent argument. Someone, please give me a medal.
It seems easy enough but there’s an aspect to all criticism that creates a load of controversy: the grading scale. I don’t know how teachers and professors and health inspectors get away with it, but when you’re an entertainment critic, you better keep every damn rating you’ve ever made on file because if someone realizes that you gave one item a higher number or letter, then your arbitrary system will go to hell.
Enter Destructoid’s Reverend Anthony (his parents must be a little disappointed that he decided to review videogames rather than enter the clergy). He recently started a series of articles explaining why videogame reviews “suck”. While I highly suggest you read his article, his main point is that numbers must correspond to actual value. 10 should be Perfection, 5 is Average, and 1 should be The End of All Life As We Know It. While this is sensible, it simply doesn’t hold water. No game can ever be “perfect”. Nothing can be “perfect”. By being “perfect”, something would be completely undone by being an abnormality and thus defeat its own perfection. That’s why I don’t equate “10″ as perfect but rather “classic”. A movie or game or whatever I believe will stand the test of time, at least with me. I also have 10+ but that’s only for classics I believe will stand the test of time and if you disagree I’ll grind your bones to make my bread (which is how Thomas’ makes their delicious English Muffins: human bones).
The numbers and letters are really quite insufferable if you’re a critic but you take them as a necessary evil. You know that many will not have time to read your argument but they want an idea of value and they want it quick. It almost makes a critic want to slap on false numbers to baffle and confuse the reader; to have them read the article to understand the bizarre rating, state your real opinion, and then end the review with “Gotcha!” Or instead of some numerical, quantative-system, start using random objects. For instance, I’ve been playing Rogue Galaxy lately and I give it a rating of Toaster. What the fuck am I talking about? Read on!
Numerical ratings should be after the fact. While after watching a film my mind my zap to a number on a 1-10 scale, after re-reading my reviews, I always try to make sure that the number is justified by the words. But the numbers are really just a quick fix and far too arbitrary to have any real value.
While I agree with Anthony that the skewed scale of reviewing games needs an overhaul, I also think that we can’t be held to some rigid and arbitrary standard where numbers have an inherent meaning beyond themselves. We don’t need to standardize the grading system. We just need to make better arguments and make sure that our shorthand conveys the same.
[Note: This is the first personally penned article I’ve ever submitted to Digg. I’m sure it will have a total of 1 digg (my own) and should it have the great misfortune of reaching the mainpage, the commentators will tear me a new one by saying that the design of my blog and my writing gave them rectal cancer despite my repeated warnings that this site should not be inserted in the anus].
NBC’s Heroes is not a good show. It’s the TV equivalent of candy. It’s a highly manufactured flavor, it’s saccharine, it has no nutritional value, and it’s delicious. It’s bad but it’s entertaining and if you have nothing better to do, it can certainly kill an hour.
But a recent Q&A revealed a clip that will probably have me spitting out this candy in disgust if it turns out to be the wholesale theft it appears to be.
I’m gonna go into spoilers now so if you think Heroes is an edge-of-your-seat serial thriller where you can’t stand to know what happens next, then you probably never saw anything in your life because it’s an insanely predictable show. But creator Tim Kring has sprung quite a surprise in making a move to steal from one of the most seminal comics of all time, Alan Moore’s Watchmen.
If you haven’t read Watchmen, you probably don’t read comics in the first place. If you do read comics but haven’t read Watchmen, you need to BUY IT NOW
Okay, for those still with me, you have now put two and two together (hopefully). You read the link where the character Linderman reveals he has powers and he and others tried to play superheroes, but it didn’t work out. Now, Linderman will detonate a nuke in New York City to bring the world together; omelet and eggs and all that.
Now if you’ve read Watchmen, you know that the character Ozymandias was a former superhero who kills former “masks” before teleporting a giant alien creature into New York City in order to stop the Cold War and bring the world together; omelet and eggs and all that.
There’s borrowing and there’s theft and Heroes has committed the sin of the latter. The only way it could be stealing more is if Linderman was connected to the super serial-killer Sylar and I certainly wouldn’t put it past Kring to have it shake out that way. Remember, logic and common sense have very little place in the comics-dismissive-yet-wholesale-theft world of Heroes. Blob could glide through the show’s plot holes. Anyone want to explain to me why Hiro lost his powers and why he needs a magical sword to regain them? Anyone? You could argue that it’s a mystery, but the show argues that the mystery is already solved. Lose your powers for some reason? Clearly, you need a special sword! What’s not to get?
But if Watchmen is so important, then how can it be theft? Surely, people will notice! Well, Watchmen is important but it’s not necessarily popular. It’s a comic for grown-ups in a medium that is dominated by stunted men-children. Heroes on the other hand, is like comics without the shame of actually going to a comic shop and purchasing superhero comics (most of which, like Heroes, have the special ability of blowing hard). What sends a chill down my spine is if Zach Snyder’s Watchmen arrives next year, people see it, and then say “It stole from Heroes!” Then again, dumb people say stupid shit all the time. I guess what really upsets me is that Kring has such little respect for such an important book and has a show so creatively bankrupt that they’re going to steal. I suppose the only positive in this is that if you’re going to steal, steal from the best.
While some are hoping that this clip was simply an attempt to mislead fans, my hope is that within context and not as a singular scene, Watchmen will merely serve as the inspiration rather than the script. I would say I’m expecting to be disappointed, but disappointment implies hope, and ever since the second episode, I haven’t had much hope for this unhealthy guilty pleasure of a show.
How good is the new seven-minute preview for Spider-Man 3?
Yes, it’s that good.
