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Fox Trot is my favorite still-running comic strip. Or should I say “was”. Today is Bill Amend’s last daily Fox Trot strip. He’ll continue to do Sundays, but after 19 years, the stories of the Fox family are at an end.

Some who are willing to trudge through the garbage that passes itself off as lowest common denominator fare will occasionally find a new strip worth reading. But now that Calvin & Hobbes and The Far Side have long since passed, Fox Trot marks the end of an age for me. I’ve been reading the comic for 12 of its 19 years. I actually got to meet Bill Amend at a presentation/signing at the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco. He signed my copy of Foxtrotius Maximus.

I’ll be sad to see the comic go in its daily form because Amend had a great eye for pop culture. It kept the strip fresh, funny, and popular with a geek like myself.

It’s a great strip and when I have kids of my own, I’ll be sure to share it with them. But that’s getting way ahead of myself. For right now, I’ll just enjoy my 365-day Fox Trot calendar and continue to enjoy the humor that Jason, Paige, Peter, Andy, and Roger have provided me all these years.

Thank you, Mr. Amend and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Tags: brilliant, comics by Matt
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I’ve just uploaded some of my more recent movie reviews. Read them!

Apocalypto
Casino Royale
Deck the Halls
The Fountain
Pan’s Labyrinth
The Pursuit of Happyness
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

Tags: movies by Matt
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So the Golden Globe noms were announced this morning and you can check them over on the web’s best Oscar coverage site, Oscarwatch.com.

I will now proceed to make snide commentary and tell you who’s probably going on to an Oscar nomination:

Picture, Drama:
“Babel”
“Bobby” - Bobby gets a nomination but not United 93. FAIL.
“The Departed” - This is all but cemented in the final five.
“Little Children” - This won’t get a Best Picture nod but I’m glad it continues to get attention. It really is a solid little flick.
“The Queen” - This seems to keep sneaking on to lists. I wish I had caught it since it seems to keep popping up this season.

Actress, Drama:
Penelope Cruz, “Volver”
Judi Dench, “Notes on a Scandal” - Sure Nomination.
Maggie Gyllenhaal, “Sherrybaby”
Helen Mirren, “The Queen” - Sure Nomination, and probably a sure victory.
Kate Winslet, “Little Children”

Actor, Drama:
Leonardo DiCaprio, “Blood Diamond”
Leonardo DiCaprio, “The Departed” - You know, I like Leo too, but you decided to waste a nomination on nominating him twice when you could have thrown Matt Damon a nod for The Departed? Or what about Hugh Jackman for The Fountain? Well, the Fountain is fucked. It’s this year’s best neglected picture.
Peter O’Toole, “Venus”
Will Smith, “The Pursuit of Happyness”
Forest Whitaker, “The Last King of Scotland”

Picture, Musical or Comedy:
“Borat”
“The Devil Wears Prada” - This is what happens when good comedies are hard to find.
“Dreamgirls” - Welcome to the Oscars.
“Little Miss Sunshine” - Welcome to the Oscars.
“Thank You for Smoking”

Actress, Musical or Comedy:
Annette Bening, “Running With Scissors” - Really?
Toni Collette, “Little Miss Sunshine” - Really?
Beyonce Knowles, “Dreamgirls” - Really?
Meryl Streep, “The Devil Wears Prada” - You win by virtue of being Meryl Streep.
Renee Zellweger, “Miss Potter”

Actor, Musical or Comedy:
Sacha Baron Cohen, “Borat” - The question remains: will he attend the Oscars as Cohen or as Borat?
Johnny Depp, “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” - Cute but why not throw Jamie Foxx a nod for Dreamgirls instead?
Aaron Eckhart, “Thank You for Smoking” - The more Eckhart love the better.
Chiwetel Ejiofor, “Kinky Boots” - I actually haven’t seen this film, but the guy is a tremendous actor so the more attention he receives, the better.
Will Ferrell, “Stranger than Fiction” - If Jim Carrey can win this award twice, then Ferrell has a definite shot at taking the globe, which will be nice because he’s not going to get nominated for an Oscar.

Supporting Actress:
Adriana Barraza, “Babel”
Cate Blanchett, “Notes on a Scandal” - See you at the Oscars.
Emily Blunt, “The Devil Wears Prada” - Probably will see you at the Oscars.
Jennifer Hudson, “Dreamgirls” - See you winning the Oscar.
Rinko Kikuchi, “Babel”

Supporting Actor:
Ben Affleck, “Hollywoodland” - I like Affleck too, but you can’t nominated Little Children for Best Picture and then not acknowledge its groundbreaking performance of James Earle Haley.
Eddie Murphy, “Dreamgirls” - Oscar nod.
Jack Nicholson, “The Departed” - Oscar nod.
Brad Pitt, “Babel” - Maybe an Oscar nod.
Mark Wahlberg, “The Departed” - Nice nomination and I’m not pissed about not nominating Baldwin since he got attention for his work on 30 Rock.

Director:
Clint Eastwood, “Flags of Our Fathers”
Clint Eastwood, “Letters from Iwo Jima” - Hey, I like Eastwood too, but this doubling-up shit has got to go, especially since Flags of Our Fathers is supposed to be weak sauce anyway. Why not show some love to Bill Condon (Dreamgirls), Guillermo Del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth), Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men) or Darren Aronofsky (The Fountain)? [rhetorical question; I know why not]
Steven Frears, “The Queen”
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, “Babel” - Boy, I wish I could be nominated for an award for making the same film three times! Why not nominate Takashi Shimizu for making The Grudge 800 times?
Martin Scorsese, “The Departed” - Please let it be his year. Give the man a fucking Oscar already. He certainly deserves it for this film.

Screenplay: - You know, for all the dividing they do in the major categories, I wonder why they don’t do adapted and original like the Oscars.
Guillermo Arriaga, “Babel”
Todd Field and Tom Perrotta, “Little Children”
Patrick Marber, “Notes on a Scandal”
William Monahan, “The Departed”
Peter Morgan, “The Queen”

Foreign Language:
“Apocalypto,” USA - You’re shitting me, right?
“Letters from Iwo Jima,” USA/Japan - You’re shitting me, RIGHT? This is the Hollywood FOREIGN Press. How the hell did two American films made my two American directors get on the list? Catch some foreign films for fuck’s sake!
“The Lives of Others,” Germany
“Pan’s Labyrinth,” Mexico
“Volver” Spain

Animated Film:
“Cars”
“Happy Feet”
“Monster House” - Oh please. And why only three films? Why not make it interesting and throw Over the Hedge and Flushed Away on there? Dreamworks Animation is not happy this morning.

Original Score:
Alexandre Desplat, “The Painted Veil”
Clint Mansell, “The Fountain” - YES. YES. YES.
Gustavo Santaolalla, “Babel”
Carlo Siliotto, “Nomad”
Hans Zimmer, “The Da Vinci Code”

Original Song:
“A Father’s Way” from “The Pursuit of Happyness”
“Listen” from “Dreamgirls”
“Never Gonna Break My Faith” from “Bobby”
“The Song of the Heart” from “Happy Feet”
“Try Not to Remember” from “Home of the Brave”

———-

And now, the far less important television nominations!

“24″ - Fuck you.
“Big Love”
“Grey’s Anatomy” - Fuck you too.
“Heroes” - Gimme a fucking break. I like it too but this year we have Dexter. I know Heroes is popular, but it ain’t that good yet.
“Lost”

ACTRESS (DRAMA)
Patricia Arquette - “Medium”
Edie Falco - “The Sopranos”
Evangeline Lily - “Lost” - I love Kate too, but really?
Ellen Pompeo - “Grey’s Anatomy”
Kyra Sedgwick - “The Closer”

ACTOR (DRAMA)
Patrick Dempsey - “Grey’s Anatomy”
Michael C. Hall - “Dexter” - YES. YES. YES.
Hugh Laurie - “House” - Globes get what Emmy don’t.
Bill Paxton - “Big Love”
Keifer Sutherland - “24″

MUSICAL OR COMEDY
“Desperate Housewives” - In the year since the last GG, nothing Housewives has done has merited this nomination.
“Entourage” - I like this show too but last season (or half-season, whatever you want to call it) was shite.
“The Office”
“Ugly Betty” - Right on!
“Weeds”

ACTRESS (MUSICAL OR COMEDY)
Marica Cross - “Desperate Housewives”
America Ferrera - “Ugly Betty” - Right on again!
Felicity Huffman - “Desperate Housewives”
Julia Louise Dreyfuss - “The New Adventures of Old Christine”
Mary Louise Parker - “Weeds”

ACTOR (MUSICAL OR COMEDY)
Alec Baldwin - “30 Rock” - Any Alec Baldwin love is good love in my book.
Zach Braff - “Scrubs”
Steve Carrell - “The Office”
Brandon Lee - “My Name is Earl” - Wow, that’s pretty impressive considering he’s not on the show and has been dead since 1993 [these noms were copied and pasted straight from Variety.com this morning]
Tony Shaloub - “Monk”

—–
Miniseries/TV movie noms have got to go; and here, they’re gone.
—–

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Emily Blunt - “Gideon’s Daughter”
Toni Colette - “Tsunami”
Katherine Heigl - “Grey’s Anatomy”
Sarah Paulson - “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” - No. No on so many levels.
Elizabeth Perkins - “Weeds”

SUPPORTING ACTOR
Thomas Haden Church - “Broken Trail”
Jeremy Irons - “Elizabeth I”
Justin Kirk - “Weeds”
Masi Oka - “Heroes” - You go, Hiro!
Jeremy Piven - “Entourage”

—————-

So that’s my awards masturbation for today. And now I’m late for work!

Tags: movies, television by Matt
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[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQg0JNaKeVM]

Above is a test ad for a parody of Apple’s “Get a Mac” ads featuring Justin Long as a Mac and John Hodgman as a PC. If you watch the ad, you’ll see that the argument is that getting cool songs is really simple with a Zune, but not with an iPod.

The ad leaves out these fun little tidbits which I will share with you now:

1) That song your friend just shot you? It’s only good for three plays. After that, you have to buy it from the Zune store.

2) The ad seems to point out that you have to give out your credit card info to Apple to buy songs. And what do you use to buy music from the Zune store? Good faith? I.O.U.s? No, you pay $14.99 a month and don’t really get to own your music, but rather, just rent it. Also, forget about playing any song you got off of iTunes on your Zune.

3) Now subscription plans really depend on how much music you have and how much of it you plan to listen to and for how long. Personally, I like owning things I enjoy. If I don’t like a song, I can just get rid of it. Now lets say you have 20,000 songs. Well clearly, you’re not going to drop 20,000 to re-buy all of them so a subscription plan seems like a good idea. But I think it’s dumb to spend $150.00 a year on music that will never really be yours. Also, what happens in the even that the store flops? What happens if you miss a payment? Bye-bye music!

While it’s cool that Microsoft is just coming out an acknowledging Apple as its main competitor in the MP3 Player market, the dishonesty of this ad really irks me and people should know that the Zune is a player that may transfer songs wirelessly, but there are still a lot of strings attached.

Tags: gear, stupid by Matt
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While his new notoriety makes a direct sequel nearly impossible, you may see Borat one last time in the least likely of places: the awards circuit.

Critics groups are now beginning to unleash their year-end lists. For those wondering how they could before the year is over, keep in mind that they see films up to months in advance of the release date. Personally, I’ve seen The Pursuit of Happyness and Eragon which won’t hit until Friday; The Painted Veil, which won’t hit NY/LA till the 20th; Notes on a Scandal, which gets a limited release on December 27th; and finally Pan’s Labyrinth which hits on December 29th (although I caught that last one through luck and not a press screening). And yes, seeing movies for free before you is AWESOME.

But back to the awards season, it kicks off when critics societies give their year-end lists.

First, Sascha Baron Cohen tied with Forest Whitaker (Last King of Scotland, which I keep kicking myself for not seeing yet) for Best Actor with the the Los Angeles Film Critics Association.

Then, the New York Film Critics Circle gave Cohen a runner-up position next to Ryan Gosling (Half-Nelson, which I hear is great for his performance and lousy for everything else) with the winner being Whitaker.

And on Tuesday, the San Francisco Film Critics Circle award Cohen Best Actor.

Tomorrow morning will have the announcement for the Golden Globes, the last big indicator of the Oscar nominations. Since the Globes divide Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Actress into comedy/musical and dramas, listen for Cohen’s name.

This all means that when the Oscar nominations are announced on January 23rd, Borat will become an Oscar nominated film (I’d also bet on a Best Original Screenplay nomination, as little sense as that makes). Granted, I don’t think Borat will win anything, but if I was an Academy voter, I’d vote Borat not only because of Cohen’s performance, but because you want people to tune in for the telecast and having the star of the year’s highest-grossing comedy certainly can’t hurt that.

I’ll be sure to say “I told you so” on January 23rd or look incredibly foolish, which isn’t that out of the ordinary for me anyway.

Tags: movies by Matt
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Working at Gamestop is pretty dull. When I’m trying not to think about how badly my feet hurt or what I would buy had I the money to pay for it, I’m doing super fun tasks like alphabetizing, which can actually be very zen and calming.

Today was boredom at its finest. Working from about noon till 4, most people were at school or work, finalizing their holiday plans, being of good cheer, and not videogame shopping. Only the occasional and expected question about Wiis and PS3s we didn’t have in stock.

But in between hour long bouts of severe boredom, unexpectedly humorous moments arose. Moments I will share with you now:

1) A customer approached me and gave me the quote of the day: “You look like a man.” This was his introduction. I simply responded “thank you” since “man” is a much better descriptor than “social-reject” or “serial rapist”. He then proceeded to ask me questions about games that had nothing to do with my manliness.

2) I got into a religious debate with a torso. A man with no legs riding a motorized scooter approached me. He was looking for a copy of NBA 2K6 for a good price. However, aside from noticing the no legs thing (read the disclaimer people; and yeah, like you’re just absolutely blind to physical disabilities), I also noticed that his scooter had big shiny sticker on the front which read “Jesus Is Lord”. As I was trying to help him find the game, he made some comment about Jesus, I grinned like an idiot (because I am an idiot and so when I grin, the idiot function should go without saying), and he inquired about my religion and the only way I could stop this downhill slide about arguing religion with a man who probably needs it more than most, was to simply say “So do you still want NBA 2K6?” I’m not averse to a religious debate, but I’m not anxious to jump in against the handicapped and during work hours.

3) A guy wanted to find a copy of Robotech so he could draw the cover. When I found him a copy, he hugged me. I’ve helped parents find games for their kids; I’ve explained systems six ways till Sunday, but finding a $4.99 copy of Robotech got me a hug.

Unfortunately, this was not the end of our time together as he wanted me to find him a third-person shooter. I recommended James Bond: Everything or Nothing since it also had the two-player functionality he wanted, but because we only had it used and our used copies lacked pictures, he didn’t want it. We then went through a problematic series of his shifting desires. Did he want a fighting game? An RPG? How much? I also had to correctly teach him the pronunciation of Xenosaga 800 times.

Him: X-n-O-gears?
Me: No, Zee-no-sa-ga.
Him: X-n-O-gears?
Me: No, Zee-no-sa-ga.
Him: X-n-O-gears?
Me: No, Zee-no-sa-ga.
Him: X-n-O-gears?
Me: No, Zee-no-sa-ga.
Him: X-n-O-gears?
Me: [brain implodes]

Call it dyslexia. Call it a learning disability. I call it a preview of hell which is apparently where I’m going since I’m Jewish and don’t believe that Jesus died for my sins (which, BTW, I never asked him to do).

So that was my fun day. Thankfully, tomorrow I get to look forward to a free screening of Eragon with my friend Cait and then I can expect my mother to emotionally berate me about why I don’t have a full-time job.

Tags: humor, videogames by Matt
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After watching and enjoying the new Pirates of the Caribbean DVD, I was reminded of this great episode from the second season of Ricky Gervais’ Extras. It’s not the whole episode; just the scenes which highlight Orlando Bloom being hilarious.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-3jIAtWTFI]

Tags: humor, movies, television by Matt
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This is without a doubt not only the worst Final Fantasy game I’ve ever played, but one of the worst games I’ve ever played, period. I believe that if this game was called anything other than Final Fantasy, game critics would have layed down the bitch-smacking it heartily deserved.

I was a die-hard FF fan. I still consider Final Fantasy VII, the game that brought me into the series, a game I could still pick up and play with all the enjoyment I did back when it first came out in 1997. But apparently Square-Enix has no notion of its heritage beyond roman numerals and this year’s atrocious Dirge of Cerberus and now FFXII have brought the hard-death to my love of the series.

The biggest problem among the many is the lack of character development. We’re thrust into a gigantic world war with an evil empire and a small rebellion and that’s all well and good. That tends to be the set-up of these games (big guy vs. little guy), but there was always a commitment to the characters that drove the story forward. How is it that Final Fantasy VI, with its 22 characters, manages to create interesting, compelling arcs for everyone while FFXII with only six characters, has as much character growth as an ad for tampons (actually, the tampon commercials have an edge because those women manage to find a solution to dealing with their monthly visitor while this game diddled me around for fifty hours).

I kept sticking with the story wondering when it would get interesting and it never happened. The first six to ten hours are spent just trying to introduce all the characters and their motivations (The disgraced soldier wants honor! The street-kid wants Revengture! (that fun mixture of “revenge” and “adventure”) I want my time and money back!); motivations that always seem miniscule when constantly compared to the giant backdrop of the dull political and diplomatic intrigue. The game’s big bad is Vayne Solidor and despite a neat intro scene, the writers decided to just make him power-hungry and be done with it. Guys, you have to live in the shadow of Kefka and Sephiroth—Step up.

The game can’t even really choose a protagonist. It starts off with Vaan who has a voice actor that’s doing his damndest not to make the character seem like he leaped straight off the pages of Tiger Beat. All the voice acting is great and it’s a shame that we don’t get more of it in trying to develop these characters. No, the story is too busy spinning its wheels because once you get everyone together, it’s time to follow a big boring path not once but twice. I don’t know if this counts as a spoiler since nothing of consequence happens, but if you’re super-worried, then stop reading and find out how terrible the game is on your own.

So here’s what’s gonna happen: You’ll pick up a shard cut from a special crystal and handed down by the Dynast-King. You get it after spending five hours dungeon crawling and boring fights. Thanks goodness the Gambit system takes the pressure off the X-button (or at least that’s the idea; more on that later). Then, you’ll take the shard to a special elder. The elder will tell you he doesn’t know anything but gives Ashe, the game’s real protagonist and indecisive bore that you wouldn’t want to run a Hardee’s let alone a kingdom, advice about where to go next.

Okay, now do it again. Then, you’ll reach a section where everything is explained through the introduction of a mythical force that hasn’t even been mentioned in the game up to that point. Along the way, you’ll get little glimmers that make your characters more than paper-thin, but the game refuses to slow down and let you give a damn about any of them.

Final Fantasy XII takes the high-level of character gameplay customization available in MMORPGs but totally forgets that when you create a character in those games, you’re responsible for all of it and you’re really making an alter-ego. Here, the names and looks and histories of these characters already exist (half-assed as they may be) so if you want any more development, use your imagination or read some fan-fic because as far as the writers here are concerned, their work is done.

Unfortunately, the gameplay isn’t that deep and is constantly sabotaging itself. A lot of reviewers have raved about the rewarding Gambit system, but none of the ones I read mentioned that the system is completely undone by the periodic introduction of a “guest” to your party. These are characters who will lend a hand in battle, which would be great except that you have no control over them at all. This fucks things up when I want to focus my attacks on one enemy at a time and the labotomized AI wants to go off, fight another enemy, and divide my forces letting me get my ass kicked.

Yes, Final Fantasy XII does deserve credit for being difficult but it’s not always fair. It would be one thing if the game was consistent, but in the opening when you’re weak, you’ll be sure to find a couple of monsters that should you accidentally steer too close, will fuck your shit up. This would be fine except after about a third through the game, this stops happening and only “Rare Game” (part of one of the game’s many boring sidequests) has the potential to beat you outside of boss fights. I’m also hesitant to give the game credit for having battles take place in-field rather than cutting to a separate battle screen, because other games were already on top of this and I don’t think I should give FFXII credit for not being more irritating than it already is.

Speaking of more irritating, another feature is the License Point system. It’s the natural progression of FFX’s Sphere Grid except since those characters had personalities, they had reasonable routes to travel. Here, every character starts at the same point and can be anything…in theory. Again, like with the Gambit system, it falls apart under simple scruitny. Sure, Basch can be a healer, but the game gave him a bit of a head start with some fighthing augmentations and he already uses a sword. Why would I push him out of his way to use a staff and healing magic?

With this idea of total customization already slightly crippled out the gate, the License Board becomes even more frustrating as it’s not simply a matter of purchasing abilities. With the exception of augmentations, everything must also be purchased. You can spend your points on whatever you want, but since you have no idea when it will be available to buy in a store, you could just be pissing away your license points. And not all items are available for purchase. You want something fancy like the ribbon or a high-grade weapon and you’ll have to do some side-questing and item-fishing to get the item out of the bazaar.

And that’s where the game’s greatest paradox comes into view: there’s A LOT to do. The problem is that none of it is any fun. For example, there’s the Clan Centurio side quest where you defeat specific monsters and rank up. This would be fine except the process must work like so:

1.) Accept hunt from clan board petition .

2.) Hunt down the petitioner and double-accept his task.

3.) Find the monster and kill it.

4.) Go back to the petitioner for the reward.

5.) Discover reward was not worth effort and curse loudly.

And while teleport stones are available in the game, you’ll still be doing a lot of walking around and fighting through non-targets before you finally reach your super-tough mark. Hope it doesn’t kill you because then you’re gonna be sent back to your save crystal which probably isn’t close by.

And the rest of the quests are either fetching stuff or the world’s most infuriating fishing game. I especially like when part of the fishing side-quest asked me to go on a fetching side-quest. And if you’re anal-retentive like me and have a need to finish what you start, you’ll be hooked but you’ll also be hating yourself. The only way I could tear myself away was through rationalizing that even if I completed everything the game had to offer, I would only be super pathetic since I still hated all of it. It also made switching the Guitar Hero controller and game in and out a bit of a bitch, and I enjoy that game waaaaay more.

Final Fantasy XII seems to highlight what other FF games did right and then do the complete opposite. The Sphere Board is now the broken License Board. Fascinating villains worth fighting is now Power-Hungry Emperor #1125. Personal storyline sidequests are now an off-handed quip or a throw-away line. Summons worth tracking down are now furstrating efforts in futility (Summons are almost entirely worthless in this game). Limit Breaks are now a dumbed-down slots game.

What pains me is that I’m sure there are better RPGs out there. Magna Carta, which I mocked earlier today, could be one of them, but I would never know because they don’t have the big Final Fantasy brand name and all the gaming-media attention it carries. And with all the positive reviews, it looks like Square-Enix now has license to continue making sub-par entries into the series. Well, it’s a good thing all those gaming journalists don’t have to pay for their PS3s or their games because I’m certainly not dropping one cent on Final Fantasy XIII. No, my money will be going to better games that don’t coast on previous successes.

Shame on gaming journalists for praising this unquestionable bore of a game. Shame on Square-Enix for bending over loyal fans and taking their money with pretty-yet-hollow games. And shame on me for spending almost seventy hours wondering if and when Final Fantasy XII would start being fun.

Tags: videogames by Matt
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In my daily work at Gamestop, I sometimes come across odd titles. These are games that fly under the radar of Big Gaming and their publications. However, I don’t see how anyone could have missed this game seeing as there’s bound to be a story about someone had their eye knocked out by a tit.

So I haven’t played Magna Carta but based on the front and back cover art, I will now make the following deductions:

1.) This game has little to do with the famous historical document of 1215.
2.) You play as breasts. Not with breasts, mind you. As breasts. As you gain experience points, you get bigger, more bountiful, and as you get weaker, you droop and can only be healed with silicone.
3.) Alternative title was Tits! The Game!

Tags: humor, videogames by Matt
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